家長天地 – 育兒資訊

撰文：資深註冊社工李淑輝姑娘

無論是爭玩具、遊戲中輸掉和排隊爭先恐後……每當遇上不如意，常見孩子會用推撞打人的方式去處理問題，這亦是父母常感頭痛的事 ─ 為甚麼孩子是個打人小惡霸呢？

• 情緒和行為混為一談？

「你不可以嬲就發脾氣打人！」孩子因為出現情緒 －「嬲」，所以出現發洩行為 －「打人」。然而，父母可以禁止孩子的打人行為，但不能禁止他有「嬲」的情緒，孩子更不會因父母禁制「嬲」，而把情緒即時緩和過來。父母要教導孩子情緒和行為須分開處理 －「我明白弟弟拿走你的玩具，所以你很嬲，但你不可打人！」

• A餐無益不要吃！

「你不可打弟弟，總之不可打弟弟啦。」父母只叫孩子不要吃A餐，因為吃了會痴肥無益，但又沒有給他B、C、D餐的選擇，如弟弟再次取走他的玩具，十居其九，他仍會繼續吃A餐。父母聲嘶力歇地叫孩子不可打弟弟(A餐)，跟著應該提供選擇 － 「不可打人，如果弟弟取走你的玩具，你可以告訴他：『玩具是我的，我玩完才給你』（B餐），亦可以請媽媽評理（C餐），或者讓給弟弟先玩 （D餐）……」

• 孩子絕對會接受挑戰！

「你試下再打弟弟，信不信我以後不要你？」父母意圖用恐嚇方式來鎮壓孩子打人行為，許多時候會適得其反，因為現代的孩子絕對會接受挑戰的！孩子會記恨父母和弟弟，會伺機出拳，再次攻擊弟弟。父母說過如他再犯會不要他，不論會否言出必行，親子關係已陷於僵局。其實，父母只是一心希望孩子做出好行為，應該直截了當地說出要求：「請你停手！」

• 孩子打我，不痛，我能忍受？

無論孩子如何生氣或不滿，當他做出傷人、傷己和破壞性行為，父母必須即時制止。假若平日孩子慣性不開心的時候，就打人洩憤，由於力度不大，大人又能承受痛楚，所以不被阻止，孩子便會誤以為攻擊他人是沒有問題的。父母有責任即時制止及清楚表明，孩子的打人行動是不被接納的。

其實，孩子不是天生的小惡霸，他在成長過程中，身邊的人在陪伴他的同時，又悉心教導他正確處理問題的方法，孩子才能發展成熟，獨立成材。

Written by: Miss Jody Lee, Senior Registered Social Worker

Whether it’s fighting over toys, losing games, or rushing to be first in line, it is common to see children using pushing, shoving, and hitting to deal with situations that don’t go their way – which is also a constant headache for parents. Why does a child exhibit bullying behavior?

• Are emotions and behaviors conflated?

“You cannot get angry and hit people!” The child may experience an emotion – “anger”, which leads to a behavioral response – “hitting”. However, while parents can prohibit the child’s hitting behavior, they cannot prohibit the child from feeling “angry”. The child will not immediately calm their emotions just because the parents have banned “anger”. Parents need to teach the child to separate emotions and behaviors – “I understand you are very angry that your brother took your toy, but you cannot hit him!”

• Don’t eat Meal A if it’s not good for you!

“You cannot hit your brother, just don’t hit him at all.” Parents may simply tell the child not to engage in an undesirable behavior (Meal A) without providing any alternative (Meal B, C, D) options. If the brother takes the child’s toy again, the child will likely continue to “eat Meal A” (hit). Parents should not only prohibit the undesirable behavior, but also provide alternative, appropriate ways for the child to respond – “You cannot hit, but if your brother takes your toy, you can tell him: ‘The toy is mine, I’ll give it to you when I’m done’ (Meal B), or you can ask me to help settle it (Meal C), or you can let your brother play with it first (Meal D)…”

• Children will absolutely accept challenges!

“If you hit your brother again, I won’t want you anymore.” Parents may intend to suppress the child’s hitting behavior through intimidation, which often backfires, as today’s children may see this as a challenge. The child may resent the parents and the brother, and look for opportunities to hit the brother again. Instead, parents should directly state their expectations: “Please stop hitting your brother.”

• My child hit me, but it doesn’t hurt. Can I tolerate that?

No matter how angry or dissatisfied the child is, when they engage in harmful, self-destructive, or destructive behaviors, parents must intervene immediately. If the child habitually vents their frustration by hitting others because the force is not great and the adults can endure the pain, the child may mistakenly think that attacking others is acceptable. Parents have the responsibility to immediately stop and clearly indicate that the child’s hitting behavior is unacceptable.

In fact, children are not born as little bullies. As they grow, the people around them, while accompanying them, should carefully teach them the right ways to deal with problems. Only then can the child develop maturity and become independent.

Written by: Pang Chi Wah, Registered Educational Psychologist

In recent years, environmental awareness has been on the rise. As a parent, you can cultivate an eco-friendly and meaningful hobby like stamp collecting for your child. This can also serve as a simple and convenient parent-child activity.

Parents who work in an office often need to open various types of mail, which often come with used stamps. While we may think those stamps are worthless, they can actually be great materials for a free parent-child activity. We can bring the different types and sizes of envelopes and stamps from the office back home, and let the children go through the whole process of stamp collecting:

1. Cut the stamps off the envelopes.

2. Soak the stamps in water for a while.

3. Slowly peel the stamps off and let them dry.

4. Once the stamps are dry, they can be placed in a stamp album.

This process of handling the stamps can not only train the children’s patience and focus, but also enhance their self-management abilities. They can also learn different information from the envelopes and stamps, such as the names of different countries and regions, various denominations, and stamp designs, thus developing their multiple intelligences.

Some parents like to use toys as rewards to encourage their children, such as rewarding them with stickers after they finish their homework. Stamps can actually be more effective rewards. Whenever the child completes certain tasks, they can be given a stamp as a reward, and the more beautiful or rare the stamp, the more effective the reward will be. This not only reduces the negative impact of material abundance on the children, but stamps also have aesthetic value and can be stored for a long time. Most importantly, we can appreciate the stamp album together with the children, which can serve as a tool for parent-child communication.

Additionally, Hong Kong frequently launches new stamps and themed first-day covers, which parents can acquire at reasonable prices to greatly expand the variety of stamps, designs, and sizes for their children. If parents travel or go on business trips abroad, they can also collect local stamps, especially the cheapest ones, like the one-penny stamps in the UK. Parents can also ask their relatives, friends, and colleagues to bring back stamps from their travels or business trips, which can greatly diversify the stamp collection for the children through different acquisition channels.

Why not try this meaningful reward system and parent-child activity with your family?

撰文：註冊教育心理學家彭智華

近年來，環保意識抬頭，作為父母的你，可以為孩子建立一種既環保又有意義的嗜好，同時是一種簡單方便的親子活動──集郵。

在辦公室工作的父母，每天都需要拆開很多不同的信件，而信件上大多會有郵票，雖然我們可能認為那些郵票是一文不值，但其實它們是免費的親子活動好材料。我們可以把辦公室內不同類型和大小的信封與郵票帶回家，讓孩子處理整個收集郵票的程序：

1. 首先將郵票從信封剪出

2. 然後把郵票浸在水中一段時間

3. 把郵票慢慢撕離，然後印乾

4. 最後待郵票乾透後，便可以放在郵票簿內。

在這個處理郵票的過程中，不但可以訓練子女的耐性和專注力，也能夠提升他們的自我管理能力，還可以讓他們從中學習不同的資料，例如信封上不同國家地區的名稱、不同的地址；郵票上不同的銀碼和圖案設計等等，藉此發展子女的多元智能。

有些父母喜歡以獎品鼓勵子女，例如以玩具作為獎品，鼓勵子女溫習或用星星貼紙鼓勵子女努力完成功課。其實，郵票可以成為更有效的獎品，每當孩子完成某些指定的事情，便給他一張郵票作為獎品，而圖案愈美麗、款式愈罕有的郵票，就是愈有效的獎品。此舉不但可以減少物質泛濫對於子女的負面影響，而且郵票具有觀賞價值，又可以儲存很長的時間，最重要的是，我們可以與子女一同觀賞郵票簿，作為親子的溝通工具。

另外，香港經常都會推出新的郵票，亦會定期推出不同主題的首日封，家長可以較相宜的價格換來很多不同款式、圖案及大小的郵票。如果家長到外地旅行或公幹，更可以搜集當地的郵票，特別是那些最便宜的郵票，例如在英國有價值一仙的郵票。家長也可以請身邊的親戚朋友和同事，假如有機會到外地公幹或旅行，可透過他們在世界各地搜集不同的郵票回來，經過不同的搜集渠道，給孩子的郵票款式便可以大大地擴闊。大家不妨一試這個有意義的獎勵計劃及親子活動！

Written by：Yiu Yee Chiu, Chinese Doctor

Every parent hopes that their child will develop well and quickly, even if they may not surpass others. In medicine, there is a condition that falls between “disease” and “physiology” that greatly troubles both parents and children. This is “pediatric nocturnal enuresis.”

Pediatric nocturnal enuresis is a stage in physiological development, but if a child is still unable to control their urination and wets the bed after the age of 5, it becomes a problem. Pediatric nocturnal enuresis can be divided into two types: primary and secondary. The former is due to pathological reasons, such as spina bifida or developmental delays. The latter refers to when a child has previously gained control but then loses it for some reason. The most common cause is an unexplained developmental delay.

Medication, Physical Therapy, and Lifestyle: A Tripartite Cooperation

From a Chinese medicine perspective, the generation of urine is related to multiple organs. The main causes are kidney qi deficiency, spleen and lung qi deficiency, and liver channel stagnation and heat. Clinically, kidney qi deficiency is the primary factor. Unlike adult enuresis or secondary enuresis in children, the condition generally improves after a few months of treatment. However, the treatment must involve a combination of medication, physical therapy, and lifestyle adjustments.

Chinese Herbal Treatment: The main herbs are Mulberry Twig, Medicated Leech, Rougan, Schisandra, Yam, and Mulberry Parasitic Plant.

Physical Therapy: Acupuncture and massage, focusing on the bladder and kidney channels on the back.

Strict Diet: Avoid cold, raw foods and beverages to prevent further damage to kidney qi.

Diet Therapy: Incorporating walnuts, lotus seeds, and Dioscorea as side dishes or desserts.

Pre-Bed Warm Compress: Every night before bed, use a warm compress on the bladder shu points along the bladder channel. For better results, you can wrap the compress with a cloth bag containing roasted fennel, white pepper, or Sichuan peppercorn.

In fact, nocturnal enuresis is not uncommon, and the vast majority of children will fully recover. Therefore, the most important thing is how to help the child smoothly transition through this stage. If parents handle it improperly, it may affect the child’s self-esteem. Therefore, it is crucial to consult a doctor for a proper examination and diagnosis to truly help the child.

撰文：姚怡超中醫師

每位父母都希望孩子發展得好和快，就算未必能勝人一籌，也不要落後於人。在醫學上，有個情況在「病」和「生理」之間，令父母和孩子都感到十分困擾。這就是「小兒夜遺尿」。

小兒夜間遺尿本是生理發展的一個階段，但是如果到了 5 歲後仍然不能夠控制自己的排尿而尿床，這便是問題。小兒夜遺尿可分為兩種：原發性和繼發性。前者是病理性的原因，例如脊椎柱裂等，或發育遲緩等。而繼發性則指孩子原本已得到控制能力，但是後來因某些原因而失控。最常見的原因，是無原因的發展遲緩。

藥物、理療、生活　三方配合

在中醫角度而言，尿液的生成與多個臟腑有關。其病因多為腎氣不固、脾肺氣虛和肝經鬱熱。在臨床上，以腎氣不固為主。有別於成人的遺尿或小兒的繼發性遺尿，一般透過幾個月的治療，情況必會好轉。但是在治療上，必須配合藥物、理療和生活上配合。

中藥治療：以藥粉的桑螵蛸、益智仁、全櫻子、五味子、山藥、桑寄生為主

理療方法：針灸及按摩，以背部膀胱經和腎經為主

嚴格戒口：忌進食生冷食物和飲料，避免進一步傷害腎氣

食療：以合桃、茨實、淮山等佐膳或作甜品

睡前熱敷：每晚睡前可用熱敷背部膀胱經的腎俞穴，如果想效果更顯著，可用小茴香、白胡椒粒或花椒炒香炒熱後，再用布袋包裹熱敷。

原來，夜遺尿的情況並不罕見，而絕大部分的孩子都會完全康復。所以，最重要的是如何讓孩子順利過度這個階段。如果家長處理不當，有可能影響他們的自尊心。所以，請正式找醫生檢查清楚此情況，才可真正幫助孩子。

Written by: Aunty Anne Parents Station

When a man and a woman meet, get to know each other, and fall in love, they then get married and start their own family. Husband and wife promise to love and respect each other regardless of the circumstances, and their marital relationship naturally becomes the foundation of the family.

The arrival of children completes the family structure, but also makes the situation more complex: from the original couple relationship, it evolves into parent-child and grandparent-grandchild relationships. When facing the well-being of the children, everyone has their own opinions and positions, and blending them is not an easy task.

If we think carefully, we will understand that although husband and wife are the same two people, the two roles have different needs and considerations. The addition of a young child makes the couple cautiously take on the parental identity, which is laborious but also filled with sweetness. Infants are fragile and dependent, so parents naturally focus all their attention on protecting and caring for the child, inevitably neglecting the needs of their partner and even themselves, which is understandable.

However, the all-encompassing protective net that parents cast during the infant and toddler stage does not recede as the child grows up, allowing the child to forge their own path in life. Modern families idolise the children and let them dominate the family’s operations, overshadowing the spousal relationship. Spouses can no longer get the understanding and gratitude they expect from each other, and the relationship gradually fades or drifts apart. In this ironic situation, the “third party” that harms the marital relationship is the couple’s own child.

Worse still, a harmonious family relationship is the most important element for a child’s healthy, happy, and positive growth. Facing the discord between parents, children are often dragged into this vortex, trying to balance the relationship and shouldering emotions that do not belong to them. Children do not know how to handle and release these worries, and their emotions and behaviours will develop problems, but parents can only ask the children to focus on their studies, thinking this is the children’s responsibility. Children, however, worry all day long that the family is falling apart, so what’s the use of studying! This is a vivid portrayal of the modern family issue.

“Parents should be closer to each other than to the children,” to implement the original intention of building the family through mutual understanding and love. Remember that children are only temporary guests in the family, and one day they will leave the nest to establish their own homes. In the end, the husband and wife will only have each other left, so cherishing the partner and not forgetting the original intention are the keys to weathering the ups and downs and walking together until old age.

撰文：Aunty Anne 爸媽加油站

男女相遇、相知、相愛，然後共諧連理，組織屬於自己的家庭。夫妻承諾無論順逆都會一生愛護尊重對方，夫妻關係順理成章成為家庭的支柱，它是這個家庭的一切，是家庭的初心！

孩子的來臨，完美了家庭的組織，同時亦令情況變得繁複：由單一的夫妻二人關係，衍生出父母、父子和母子關係，若祖父母輩參與照顧，則如此類推。面對孩子的福祉，大家各有意見和立場，要磨合絕對不簡單。

大家只要細心想想便會明白，夫妻和父母雖然是同樣的兩個人，但這兩重身份其實是有著不同的需要和考量。幼兒的加入令夫妻二人戰戰兢兢地揹起父母這身份，雖然辛勞卻是甜蜜滿溢滿。幼兒嬌弱無力，父母親當然要加倍保護和疼愛，全神貫注地把焦點放在幼兒身上，這段時間無可避免地忽略了伴侶、甚至自己的需要，亦可以理解。

可是，父母在嬰幼兒時期撒出的全天候保護網，没有隨著孩子長大而適時退場，放手讓孩子闖蕩自己的人生路。現代家庭把孩子奉若神明，主宰著家庭的運作，父母的角色大大掩蓋了夫妻關係，夫妻從對方身上再也得不到期望以內的諒解和感激，關係漸漸轉淡，甚至越走越遠。夫妻關係轉差，第三者竟然是自己的孩子，實在諷刺。

更糟糕的是，和諧的家庭關係其實是孩子健康、快樂、正面成長的最重要元素。面對父母的不協調，孩子常常被捲進這股漩渦之中，為父母親平衡關係，分擔了不該屬於他們的情緒。孩子不懂得如何處理和釋放的這些憂慮，他們的情緒和行為都會出現問題，但父母卻只管叫孩子努力讀書，認為這是孩子的責任。孩子卻終日擔憂家不成家了，讀書又有何用！這正是現代家庭問題的寫照。

「親子更要親夫妻」，是為了貫徹地執行當日建構家庭時相知相愛的初衷。要知道孩子只是家庭的過客，終有一天要離巢，建立屬於自己的家，而夫妻倆最後只剩彼此，唯有好好珍惜老伴，無忘初衷，才可以走過高山低谷，相敬如賓走到老！

Written by: Play Therapist Fung Tsz Hei

Little Ying, at the start of the new school year, would sit on the sofa outside the school hall every day, crying and saying her stomach hurt, while tightly gripping her mother’s hand. Psychological experts believe this is a characteristic of children suffering from separation anxiety. If parents want to reduce their children’s anxiety, one method is to help the children through “tokens”. Why can these “tokens” be effective? The author attempts to explain the underlying mechanism from the perspective of child psychological development.

The Invisible Sense of Security

The cognitive development theory proposed by the modern child psychologist Jean Piaget can explain the underlying principle. In the first stage (0-2 years old) of the theory, children can learn to search for hidden objects. This behavior indicates that children have learned the concept of object permanence – even if the object cannot be seen, they still know that it exists, so they will try to find it.

In the second stage (2-7 years old), Piaget believes that children can use language and symbols as representations. For example, children can use the word “dog” to represent an animal with four legs, a tail, and a “woof woof” sound. When children go to school, they experience a similar situation to the first stage, but they do not cry because they cannot see their mothers, but because they cannot generate the sense of security that they had when with their mothers. To overcome this, children need to use their ability to use language and symbols as representations. However, effectively expressing the parent-child relationship in symbolic form is very difficult, and “tokens” are an effective auxiliary tool.

Visualizing Relationships

Tokens can appear in various forms in daily life, such as the traditional Chinese talisman for safety, the Christian cross in the West, or even wedding rings. Using the traditional wedding ring as an example, the material and circular shape of the metal establish a “visual representation” of a steadfast marriage. This “visualization of the relationship” not only has an outwardly evident function, but it also makes it easier for the individual to recall the existence of the relationship. Applying this to the parent-child relationship, parents can use “tokens” to express their love, allowing the child to constantly remember them and thereby develop confidence and a sense of security.

Patience, Determination, and Carefulness

When parents use “tokens” to assist their children, they must keep three key “mindsets” in mind. Firstly, establishing a relationship symbolized by the “token” takes time, and parents must have the patience to train their children. One type of training is through treasure hunt games, which can strengthen the child’s understanding of object permanence and the feelings of possession and loss. This can help reduce the child’s anxiety when faced with separation. Additionally, parents can establish a unique ritual with the child to accompany the token during times of separation, such as a goodbye kiss or a gentle high-five, which can also help the child transition through the separation process.

Secondly, there is determination. Parents may also experience separation anxiety, which can make it difficult for the child to learn about separation. If parents want their children to grow, they must be determined to separate from them when the child reaches school age, and trust in the school’s care and the child’s ability to adapt.

Finally, it is crucial to carefully preserve the token, lest all the previous efforts be in vain.

撰文︰遊戲治療師馮祉禧

小瀅在開學初期，每天都坐在學校禮堂外的沙發上，一邊哭著說肚痛，一邊緊握著媽媽的手。心理專家認為這是兒童患上分離焦慮的特徵。如果家長想減少兒童的焦慮感，其中一個方法便是以「信物」形式幫助兒童。為甚麼「信物」能夠產生作用呢？筆者嘗試用兒童心理發展的角度說明箇中奧妙。

看不見的安全感

近代兒童心理學家皮亞傑 (Jean Piaget)提出的認知發展論可以說明其原理。理論中的第一階段（0-2 歲），兒童能學會尋找被隱藏的物件。這行為表示兒童學會物體恆存的概念，即使物體不能被看見，他們仍然知道物體的存在，所以他們會嘗試去尋回。

而到了第二階段（2-7歲），皮亞傑認為兒童能夠使用語言和符號作象徵。例如兒童能用「狗」這個詞語表示有四隻腳、一條尾巴和發出「汪汪」聲的動物。當兒童在上學時，他們便再次經歷與第一階段相似的經驗，但他們並不是因為見不到媽媽而哭泣，而是因為兒童不能產生與母親一起時的安全感。小朋友要克服這種情況，便需要使用語言和符號作象徵的能力。可是，要將親子之間的關係有效地以象徴的形式表達是非常困難的，「信物」則是有效的輔助工具。

關係形象化

信物會在日常生活中以各式各樣的形態出現，如中國傳統有平安符，西方基督教有十字架，甚至結婚時會使用用婚戒。以傳統婚戒為例，透過金屬的物料和圓形環狀而建立堅貞婚姻的「關係形象」。「關係形象化」後不但有向外顯明的作用，更能夠令自己容易記起關係的存在。應用到親子關係上，家長能透過「信物」去表達他們的愛，令孩子時時記起自己，從而產生信心和安全感。

耐心丶決心和小心

家長使用「信物」輔助小孩時，必須謹記三個「心」。首先，要建立以「信物」象徵關係是需要一段時間的，家長必須要有耐心訓練子女。其中一種訓練是透過尋寶遊戲，以加強小朋友對物體恆存的認知和了解得和失的感受。這樣會令兒童在面對離別時減少產生焦慮。另外，家長可以和子女共同建立在離別時獨有的儀式配合信物，如在離別時作一個 goodbye kiss 或輕輕擊掌，亦可以幫助孩子過渡離別過程。

第二便是決心，家長亦會出現分離焦慮，結果令子女難以學會離別。如果家長希望孩子成長，在子女到達學校時便要下定決心離別，並且信任學校的照顧和兒女的適應力。最後，當然是小心保存信物，免得前功盡廢。

Written by: Education expert, Chu Wud Man

As a child, I occasionally saw wild geese in autumn. I would sometimes see my mother counting the calendar and muttering to herself, and I would also hear my sister say that in another month, Dad would be coming back for the Lunar New Year… Life was always full of expectation and longing. So, my siblings and I would work hard on our schoolwork and study diligently, because we all hoped that by the end of the twelfth lunar month, we could bring a little more comfort to our returning father.

As time and the world change, the rapid development of communication devices has made communication between people more convenient. To hear the voice of a person you long for, you only need to make a phone call, send a text message, or even participate in a group discussion. All of this is the convenience brought about by technological advancement, and the handwriting of letters home has become a distant memory.

However, I still vividly remember the childhood memories of writing letters home for my mother. She would dictate a sentence, and I would write it down. Sometimes, I would see my mother tearing up as she longed for her relatives back home, and I would involuntarily choke up as well. The experience of writing letters home made me appreciate the preciousness of family bonds and understand the feelings of longing and patience.

Some people believe that some young people today lack social etiquette, and one of the reasons for this phenomenon is the change in communication patterns. When you ride the subway, you can’t help but notice the curious sight of people buried in their phones, sorting through data. Spending the whole day in front of a computer or phone, without the need for face-to-face communication, naturally makes it difficult to improve interpersonal skills. The fast pace of society also tends to squeeze out space for contemplation, and without the experience of waiting and longing, it is difficult to cultivate a sincere and upright character. These problems in the growth of children that have emerged in recent years are issues that we all need to pay attention to.

In addition to paying attention to whether children are using communication devices appropriately, parents should also guide them to reduce their usage time and avoid being “inseparable from the device.” During family dinners, parents can share their work experiences or hardships with their children, allowing them to understand society from different perspectives and appreciate the efforts of their parents, which can inspire them to think more carefully. Furthermore, when the family is about to arrange important events, parents should also let the children express their opinions, so that they can learn to look forward to their days and long for their family members. Learning about human relationships through communication between people is an excellent growth experience. Dear parents, as we enjoy the benefits brought by modern technological advancement, we should not overlook the impact of technological development on the mental growth of our children.

撰文：教育專家朱活民

筆者在童年時偶然會見到秋雁，有時看到母親一邊數日曆一邊自言自語，又會聽到姐姐說，再過一個月爸爸就會回來過新年……生活總是充滿著期待與掛念。於是我們幾兄弟姊妹會努力做好功課，認真讀書，因為我們都希望到了臘月盡頭，可以讓回家的爸爸多一點安慰。

時移世易，通訊設備的高速發展令人與人之間溝通更方便，想聽到掛念的人的聲音，只需撥個電話，要不然來個短訊，甚至到某個群組互相交流。這一切都是科技發達帶給人們的方便，而謄寫家書似是遙不可及的事了。不過，筆者對童年時替媽媽寫信回鄉的回憶，至今仍歷歷在目，印象深刻。媽媽口述一句，我便下筆錄寫，有時看到媽媽因掛念鄉間的親人而流淚，我也會不期然地哽咽。寫家書的經歷，令我體會了親情寶貴，從中認知掛念和忍耐。

有人認為現今部分年青人不懂人情世故，而產生這些現象的其中一個原因，個人認為與通訊模式的改變有關。當你乘搭地鐵時，不妨留意一下用手機通訊的奇景，可能在你的前後左右，都是一個個低頭整理數據的人。一整天對著電腦或手機，無需要與人面對面溝通，自然難以改善處理人際關係的技巧。而急促的社會步伐，容易擠壓思考空間，生活沒有等待掛念的經歷，亦難以修養敦厚的品性。這些近年才衍生的兒童成長問題，是需要我們共同關注的。

家長除了要關注孩子是否適當使用通訊器材，更要指導他們減少使用時間，避免「機不離手」。當一家人晚飯的時候，家長不妨向孩子們分享一些工作經歷或辛酸，讓他們從不同角度認知社會，了解父母的辛勞，啟發慎思。另外，對家裡即將安排的大事，父母也要讓他們表達意見，讓孩子們學習對日子有期待，對親人有掛念。在人與人之間的溝通裡認識人情世故，是很好的成長課。各位親愛的家長，當我們享受近代科技發達帶來的好處時，亦別忽略了科技發達對兒童心智成長的影響。

Written by: Play Therapist Feng Zhi-xi

I just participated in a professional development exchange activity for teachers in Taiwan, and witnessed how Taiwan’s education system emphasizes using exercise to cultivate children’s growth. This has given me new inspiration, and I hope to share it with all parents. One of the schools we visited for the exchange could be called a “mini sports university” – “Tiger Forest Elementary School”. As soon as I stepped into the school, the students greeted us with the government-promoted fitness exercises. They followed the rhythm to raise their hands and move their bodies, doing all kinds of warm-up movements. It made me feel like they were as lively as little tigers, and I felt like I had entered a forest full of little tigers.

Exercise Can Strengthen Children’s Learning Ability

Principal Liu of Tiger Forest Elementary School said that the school is a key government school focused on the physical development of the students, and believes that exercise can strengthen their learning ability. They are based on the research of John J. Ratey, MD, an assistant professor of clinical psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, and advocate the “Anytime Exercise” program. This program encourages students to exercise at any time. During breaks, students run to any part of the playground to exercise, some play dodgeball, some climb on the jungle gym, and some play badminton. All the students enjoy every moment of exercise.

The Benefits of Exercise – Strengthening Brain Function

It is well known that exercise has the effect of strengthening the body and health. In Ratey’s research, he points out more about the benefits of exercise for the brain. He describes the brain as an information processing center, where information is transmitted through different pathways using different messengers (chemicals). During exercise, the brain can effectively produce more messengers and strengthen the pathways, making the transmission of information faster and more accurate.

When applying this theory to learning, students can strengthen their brain function through exercise, thereby enhancing their learning effectiveness. Research has proven that exercise can improve students’ concentration and memory, which are essential conditions for successful learning. In addition, exercise can cause the brain to produce Dopamine (a chemical that creates a sense of happiness), allowing students to learn happily, and naturally achieving better results.

How to get children to love exercise?

To let children enjoy the time and benefits of exercise, parents need to help children love exercise. Here are three suggestions:

1. Anytime Exercise

Provide more opportunities for children to exercise, such as giving them appropriate time, tools, and venues, while parents should also pay attention to the safety of the environment.

2. Healthy Exercise

Teach children to exercise for the sake of health, and emphasize the benefits of exercise to health.

3. Exercise Together

Exercise with children more often, enjoy the moments of exercise, and cherish the quality time between parents and children.

撰文︰遊戲治療師馮祉禧

筆者剛參與了台灣教師專業進修交流活動，見識到台灣的教育著重以運動培養孩子成長，讓我得到新的啓發，希望與各位父母分享。其中一所作交流的學校稱得上是體育學院小學版「虎林小學」。一踏進學校，同學便以政府推廣的健身操歡迎我們。他們一起跟着拍子舉手投足，做出各式各樣的熱身動作。讓人感到他們就像老虎仔一樣的精神活潑，而我像真的進入了充滿老虎仔的森林一般。

運動能強化孩子學習能力

虎林小學的劉校長説學校是政府重點學校，專注同學的體育發展，並相信透過運動能強化他們的學習能力。他們以哈佛醫學院精神科臨床助理教授 John J. Ratey, MD 的硏究為基礎，提倡零時運動計劃。此計劃提倡學生於所有時間都在運動，即零時 (Anytime)。每當小休時，學生便會跑到操場的任何一處做運動，他們有的玩躲避球、有的在攀鋼架、更有的打羽毛球。所有學生都享受每個運動的時刻。

運動的好處  強化大腦機能

眾所周知，運動有強身健體的功效，而在 Ratey 的研究之中，他指出更多有關運動對大腦的好處。他形容大腦是訊息處理中心，透過不同的傳遞者（化學物質）於不同路徑傳達訊息。在運動時，大腦能有效地生產更多傳遞者和強化路徑，使訊息傳得更快更準。

將理論應用於學習上，學生以運動強化大腦機能，再提升他們的學習成效。研究證實運動能提高學生專注力和記憶力，而這都是成功學習的必備條件。此外，運動能使大腦製造 Dopamin e(令人有快樂感的化學物質），令學生能愉快地學習，成績自然會更加優秀。

如何讓孩子愛上運動？

為了讓孩子享受運動的時間和好處，家長必需讓孩子愛上運動，以下有三項建議：

1. 零時運動

多讓孩子有運動的機會，如提供合宜的時間，工具和場地，同時家長要留意環境的安全。

2. 健康運動

多教導孩子因愛健康而做運動，多提及運動對健康的好處。

3. 一起運動

多與孩子一起運動，享受運動的時刻，享受親子的美好時光。

撰文：家庭動力創辦人及行政總監

　　　婚姻及家庭治療師

　　　兒童遊戲治療師吳綺琴

很多家長都這樣投訴，説子女愈大愈不願意跟父母説話，感情變得疏離冷漠。父母開始不知道子女的腦袋裡想甚麼，他們的學校生活是怎樣的，朋友是怎樣的。就眼睛所見，都是打機、看電視、上網、Whatsapp、WeChat和Instagram！父母不期然產生一種無形的不安，因為與所愛的子女好像脫了軌，沒有連繫一樣！父母愈不安，愈想把子女拉回身邊。但所用的方式，往往是查問、規管、批評和責備，對孩子的行為既不理解也不信任。父母的「著緊」及「關心」，在孩子的角度，只感到父母操控及無理！結果父母愈想拉近子女，子女愈想逃避父母！這種追逐令親子關係變得緊張而難堪，實在十分可惜！

無論對社會的演進及下一代的培育，父母的角色都最為重要。父母的責任是多重的：關愛、供養、教導和示範等等。最能令父母與子女的關係連繫起來，產生正面的互動，就是父母傳遞愛與關懷的方式，能令子女真正感受得到。有時父母會驚訝地問：「我這樣還不算是關心嗎？他怎可能感受不到呢？」其實每個孩子的需要可能不同，他們渴望得到關心的模式也可能不一樣。若父母不是用孩子的角度出發，只一廂情願用自己的角度去理解，及用自己習慣的方法去關心，就算父母圍著孩子「氹氹轉」，都一樣可能產生以上的的結果：一個追、一個走！

要讓孩子真正感受到父母的愛及關懷，關鍵在於父母的著眼點是在孩子本身，抑或只是在孩子的表現。父母的關懷若是在孩子身上，孩子一定會感受得到，他們亦會以正面的方式來回應。若父母關心的只是孩子的表現，孩子遲早會與父母疏離，甚至把他們拒之於門外。

若我們對比以下這些父母對孩子的説話，就可知道「關心孩子」與「關心孩子表現」的分別：

當父母放工回家問孩子：

A「你今天返學開心嗎？」

B「今天的功課你做好了嗎？」

孩子測驗拿了65分, 父母說：

A「你拿了這個分數是否很失望呢？也許你會感到不開心，你可與我分享你的心情啊！」

B 「你平日又懶又不專心，這樣可以拿到好成績嗎？你若不再更努力，下次還會不及格添，甚至有機會留級！」

在忙碌的生活節奏中，建立良好的親子關係實不容易！與子女建立正面的互動及連繫，才能在孩子成長的路途上，不斷給予鼓勵及支持。如果稍一不慎，選擇了錯誤的表達方式，縱然父母心裡有很多愛，子女也未必接受！

Written by: Founder and CEO of Family Dynamics

                     Marriage and Family Therapist

                     Child Play Therapist Ng Yee-kam

Many parents complain that as their children grow older, they become less willing to talk to their parents, and the relationship becomes more distant and indifferent. Parents begin to not know what is on their children’s minds, what their school life is like, and what their friends are like. As far as the eye can see, it’s all gaming, watching TV, surfing the internet, WhatsApp, WeChat, and Instagram! Parents inevitably develop a sense of unease, because it feels like they have lost connection with their beloved children. The more uneasy parents become, the more they want to pull their children back. But the methods they use are often questioning, regulating, criticizing, and blaming, showing a lack of understanding and trust towards their children’s behavior. From the children’s perspective, the parents’ “concern” and “care” feel like control and unreasonableness. As a result, the more the parents want to get closer to their children, the more the children want to avoid their parents! This chasing creates a tense and awkward parent-child relationship, which is truly a pity!

Whether it’s the evolution of society or the nurturing of the next generation, the role of parents is the most important. Parents have multiple responsibilities: care, provision, guidance, and demonstration. The best way to connect the relationship between parents and children and create positive interactions is the way parents convey love and care, which can make children truly feel it. Sometimes parents may be surprised and ask, “Isn’t this how I show concern? How could he not feel it?” In fact, each child’s needs may be different, and the way they crave care may also be different. If parents do not approach it from the child’s perspective, but only selfishly use their own perspective to understand and the methods they are used to in showing care, even if parents “circle around” the child, the same result may occur: one chases, one walks!

For children to truly feel their parents’ love and care, the key lies in whether the parents’ focus is on the children themselves, or only on the children’s performance. If the parents’ care is focused on the child, the child will definitely feel it, and they will respond in a positive way. If the parents’ concern is only about the child’s performance, the child will eventually become alienated from the parents, and may even shut them out.

If we compare the following examples of what parents say to their children, we can see the difference between “caring for the child” and “caring for the child’s performance”:

When parents come home from work and ask their children:

A “Did you have a happy day at school today?”

B “Did you finish your homework today?”

When the child gets a 65 on a test, the parents say:

A “Are you feeling disappointed with this score? Perhaps you feel unhappy, you can share your feelings with me!”

B “You’ve been lazy and unfocused, how can you get good grades like this? If you don’t work harder, you’ll fail again next time, and might even have to repeat the grade!”

In the busy pace of life, it is not easy to establish a good parent-child relationship! Establishing positive interactions and connections with your children is the only way to provide them with continuous encouragement and support as they grow up. If you’re not careful and choose the wrong way of expressing yourself, even though the parents may have a lot of love in their hearts, the children may not accept it!

Written by： Family Dynamics, Counseling Psychologist,  Shelly Mok

I met W in a social-emotional group. At that time, W was only 11 years old. In the group, although W would “follow the crowd” and engage in some disorderly behavior, he was the boy who could best understand the emotions behind others’ actions. Moreover, he was able to proactively offer help when others faced emotional difficulties. After the group ended, his mother requested a one-on-one meeting with W. Since entering the fourth grade, W’s grades had significantly declined, dropping from being at the top of his class in the lower grades to around 20th place in the fifth grade, with the most significant drop in his English grades. The teacher reported that he had started associating with the naughtiest kids in the grade and often talked back to the teacher. At home, he frequently argued with or ignored his parents. I was puzzled as to why such an empathetic child had suddenly lost his way.

During the therapy process, I discovered W’s inner world:

1. He felt very lonely and empty inside: During the first one-on-one meeting, W expressed his willingness to see me and cried about his grievances and loneliness. He said that his parents only cared about his grades, not his situation, interests, or hobbies, and did not spend time with him.

        2.He valued interpersonal relationships: As the therapy progressed, he gradually began to share details of his school life with me, such as the attitudes and temperaments of different subject teachers and the                 interactions with students, and how these affected his grades in different subjects. Therefore, whether at school or at home, good interpersonal relationships and others’ understanding and acceptance of him             would become his motivation for learning.

3.He liked to use his brain, was not afraid of difficulties and failures, and enjoyed games, toys, and creative writing that challenged his intelligence and patience. When playing board games in the playroom,                the more I deliberately won, the more interested he became in understanding my strategies. However, rote learning methods made him lose his enthusiasm for studying.

Parental Care and Willingness to Open Up

Changing the curriculum and teachers at school is very difficult. Additionally, there are many practical considerations if one wants to transfer schools in the sixth grade. Therefore, W’s parents and I worked together to help W receive the attention, acceptance, understanding, and brainstorming at home that he could not get at school, making it a possible and key focus of therapeutic intervention.

W’s parents are not good at expressing love and care, but they genuinely care about W from the bottom of their hearts. They always take time off work to attend every parent consultation session. When I guided them to recall the moments of W’s growth, they quickly realized and accepted W’s psychological needs and committed to spending more time with W, trying to understand and participate in W’s interests and hobbies. After some time, they reported to me that W was much happier at home and had started to share some of his school experiences with his parents.

Discovering Strengths and Rediscovering the True Self

On the other hand, in the game room, I helped W discover his strengths through games, understand his desire to grow and improve, thereby building his self-esteem and confidence, and rediscovering his true self. This allowed him to choose a path for himself. I believe that human nature inherently desires growth and positive development. As long as we help children recognize their deep-seated desires, they will naturally move towards a brighter path. When the play therapy ended, W told me that his overall happiness index had significantly increased because he understood his strengths and some important values. His mother also told me that the teacher said he had reconnected with some well-behaved and academically better-performing friends at school, and his attitude towards teachers had improved. Although his interest in studying remained low, it had stabilized.

There are many underlying reasons for a child’s academic decline. As parents, if we focus solely on grades, we often miss the opportunity to help our children grow, which can lead to other behavioral problems and affect parent-child, peer, and teacher-student relationships. For children, it is a basic need for their parents to care for them from their perspective, cater to their interests, understand their difficulties, and affirm their strengths.

Ultimately, having a confidant is a deep-seated human desire. This world is filled with many unchangeable realities, such as teachers and curricula. However, deep resonance can always make life a bit easier, making our children’s hearts stronger, less likely to get lost, and reducing the possibility of behavioral deviations. As for grades, rankings alone cannot determine a child’s future success. W’s affirmation of his strengths, his fearlessness in the face of difficulties, and his willingness to delve into and improve can become his lifelong motto, accompanying him through the ups and downs of his future life.

撰文： 家庭動力輔導心理學家莫黛琳

筆者是在一個社交情緒小組裡認識 W 的。當時，W 只有 11 歳。在小組裡，雖然  W 會「跟風」做出一些不守秩序的行為，但他卻是小組裡最能夠明白別人行為背後情緒的小男孩。而且，他也能夠在別人面對情緒困擾時，主動提出幫助。小組完結後，他的媽媽要求我單獨面見 W。自從升上小四以後，W 的成績大為倒退，從初小的全班名列前茅，跌到小五時候的全班  20 多名，尤以英語科的成績跌幅最大。老師報告說，他開始與一些全級最頑皮的孩子為伍，經常和老師頂嘴。在家中，他也經常和父母頂嘴或者不理睬父母。筆者感到很納悶，為甚麼一個善解人意的孩子，會突然迷失了自己呢？

在治療的過程中，筆者發現W的內心世界：

1. 他內心很寂寞和空洞：第一次單獨面見W，他就表示很願意來見我，並在筆者面前哭訴他的委屈和孤單。他表示，父母只關心他的成績，不關心他的情勢，也不關心他的興趣愛好，也沒有花時間陪伴他。 

       2.他很重視人際關係：在往後的治療過程中，他也逐漸開始向筆者分享他在學校生活的點滴，例如不同科目的老師們的態度、脾氣，和學生的互動關係，怎樣影響他在不同科目的成績。因此，不論在學校還是在             家裡，良好的人際關係，別人對於他的理解和接納會成為他學習的動力。

        3.他很喜歡動腦筋，不怕困難和失敗，喜歡研究挑戰智力和耐性的遊戲、玩具和創意寫作。在遊戲室玩桌上遊戲的時候，筆者愈是故意贏他，他就愈有興趣明白我的招數。然而，背誦式的教學方式使他失去讀                書的熱誠。

父母的關心　願意敞開心扉
要改變老師和學校的課程是很困難的。而且，如果要在小六時轉校，也有很多實際考慮因素。因此，筆者和他的父母一起幫助 W，使他在家中得到他在學校裡得不到的關注、接納、理解和腦激盪，成為其中一個治療介入的可能性和重點。

W 的父母不善於表達愛意和關心，但其實他們打從心底裡很關心 W。每一次的家長諮詢環節，父母都特意請假出席。當筆者引導他們回想伴隨 W 成長的點滴，他們很快就意識到和接納了 W 的心理需要，並承諾會花更多時間陪伴 W，嘗試了解和參與 W 的興趣愛好。過了一段時間後 ，他們便向筆者報告，指 W 在家中開心了很多，也開始願意向父母分享一些他在學校的情況。

發掘長處　重拾真我
另一方面，筆者在遊戲室裡，透過遊戲幫助 W 發掘他的長處， 明白自己希望成長和進步的意欲，從而建立他的自尊和自信，重拾真我，並為自己選擇一條當走的路。筆者相信，人的本性是希望自己能夠成長，向好的方面發展的。只要幫孩子認識自己的深層渴望，他自然會走向光明之路。當遊戲治療結束時，W 告訴我，他的整體開心指數提高了很多，因為他明白了自己的長處和一些重要的價值觀。他的媽媽也告訴我，老師說他在學校裡已經從新認識了一些成績、操行比較好的朋友，對老師的態度也改善了。讀書方面，雖然興趣依然不大，但也穩定下來了。

孩子成績出現倒退，背後的成因很多。作為父母，如果只着眼於成績分數，往往會錯過幫助孩子成長的契機，造成孩子的其他行為問題，影響親子、朋輩和師生關係。對於孩子而言，父母能夠站在他們的角度關心他們，投其所好，明白他們的難處和肯定他們的長處，是孩子成長的基本需要。

說到底，有一個知音，是人類的深層渴望。這個世界充滿著許多難以改變的現況，例如老師和課程。然而，深度的共鳴，總能夠令日子變得容易過一點，使我們的孩子心靈強壯些，不易迷失，減少行為偏差的可能性。至於成績，單是名次並不能定奪孩子將來成功與否。W 對於自己長處的肯定，不怕困難、樂於鑽研和進步的發現，可以成為他一生的座右銘，陪伴他度過未來人生的起起伏伏。

Written by: Dr. Cheung Kit

In this era, parents’ protection of their children surpasses that of any previous generation. This may be due to the decrease in the number of children and the improvement in living standards, leading to parents spending more time and providing more comprehensive care for their children. Under such (possibly excessive) protection, children often become very self-centered and disregard the importance of others. From the parents’ perspective, they are inevitably biased and more tolerant of their own children. When faced with their children’s inappropriate behavior, parents tend to make excuses for them. This common human behavior, however, may lead to children becoming unruly. Therefore, in the difficult situation of balancing right and wrong, if someone is willing to “offer help and guidance,” parents should be grateful. The following are “important figures.”

1. Teachers

Teachers are among the people who spend the most time with children. We would prefer teachers to directly point out the rights and wrongs to children during their daily interactions. This direct message can effectively “sink in” for the children. Sometimes, facing negative criticism, children will naturally feel unhappy, but it helps them understand the boundaries. Therefore, parents should appreciate the strict guidance of teachers and avoid casually complaining about their efforts.

2.Elders

Many elders may be very strict with their own children but tend to be much more lenient with their grandchildren, sometimes even more so than the children’s parents. However, the status and life experience of elders are actually superior to anyone else’s. Therefore, their “one word of praise” can be more effective than others’ advice. The question is whether they are willing to play the role of the bad guy. If they are, parents should be grateful for their assistance.

1. Medical Personnel

Medical personnel have always been relatively respected. However, children often have an aversion to medical procedures. Therefore, during consultations and treatments, children’s reactions often present a good teaching opportunity. If medical personnel (including doctors and nurses) are willing to provide guidance when children exhibit uncooperative behavior, the children will likely understand better. Although they may not correct their behavior immediately, it will certainly help in their life learning process.

      2.Passersby

Sometimes, unrelated bystanders can immediately point out inappropriate behavior in children, which can have a startlingly effective impact. For the parents present, this might be a bit embarrassing, but thinking it through, it is beneficial for the child’s behavior.

Children in their growth and learning phase need proper guidance, especially when their behavior deviates. Therefore, if parents are unwilling to play the “bad guy,” we should be grateful and appreciative if others are willing to speak up and correct the child.

撰文：張傑醫生

這個年代，父母對孩子的保護，比以往任何一個年代都會有過之而無不及。原因可能是子女的數目下降，以及大家的生活質素改善，所以父母對子女的看管，不但時間多了，照顧的範圍也廣泛得多。在這種保護(可能是過度)下，往往會讓孩子很自我，並且漠視其他人的重要性。在父母的角度，自己一定有所偏心，面對自己孩子的寬容度較高。面對孩子的不當行為，父母自己會為孩子提出藉口解釋。這種人之常情的做法，卻有機會讓孩子變得放肆。所以，在左右做人難的境況下，若果有人肯「出口幫教」的話，父母都應該感激。其中以下是「重要人物」。

1. 老師

老師是面對孩子最長時間的其中一個人。我們寧願老師在平日與孩子相處時，直接指出孩子的對和錯。這種直接的訊息可以好好讓孩子「入腦」。有時候，面對負面的批評，孩子當然會不開心，但是卻可以令孩子知道大家底線是甚麼。故此，父母應該感激老師嚴格的教導，最好不要隨便投訴老師的苦心。

       2. 長輩

許多長輩對自己的子女可能是很嚴厲，但對於隔了一代的小孩子，一般都會變得很寬鬆，甚至比孩子的父母更甚。不過，長輩的地位和做人經驗其實比任何人還好。所以，他們「讚一句」比其他人的勸告更為有效。問題是，他們是否願意做壞人的角色。如果肯，父母應該感激他們的協助。

3. 醫護人員

醫護人員一向是被人較為尊重。但同時，孩子卻對醫療的程序較反感。所以，在診症和治療時，孩子的反應往往是一個好的教導機會。如果醫護人員(包括醫生和護士)肯在孩子不合作的行為時作出指導，孩子必定會較為明白。雖然不一定馬上改正，但是在這人生學習過程中，必定有所幫助。

                 4. 路人甲

有時一些沒有直接關係的旁人，在孩子行為不恰當時，若果能夠馬上指出，能夠達到當頭棒喝之效。對於在場的父母親，可能會有點尷尬，但是想真一點，這對孩子的行為是有好處的。

在處於成長學習期的孩子，在適當時候是有好好的教導，尤其是行為上有偏差時。所以，若果父母不願意做「醜人」時，若有其他人肯出聲糾正，我們是應該感恩和感激。