Category "育兒資訊"

Source: Unleashing Mind, Psychotherapist, Dr. Lee Wai Tong

Next semester, K3 children will start to prepare for elementary school. Apart from getting to know the new school, preparing stationery, and learning to wear school uniforms, what else can parents do to help their children transition smoothly and make a good transition to elementary school? It is often the case that children will feel anxious when they encounter many unknown things. To deal with the anxiety of children, it is best to prepare for the situation in advance.

What’s for preparation? Open the schedule before school and remind the children, “Look, there will be a recess after these two classes, and then another recess after these two classes.” They will know in their minds when there will be a short break, then lunchtime, and then the school will be over after a while.

In terms of teachers, they don’t know who the teacher is, so we can say, “This teacher should be a male teacher, and this one is a female teacher.” This is the advance preparation so that the children know more about the things that have not happened and are better prepared. In particular, many elementary schools will hold orientation activities. Parents should not think that they don’t need to participate now because they are busy and their children will only return to school in September. If you can participate, you should do so, as it actually helps children know more and be well prepared for the unknown.

With all the preparations we have just made, what are the other minor things that we need to pay attention to? We say that children are anxious when they enter first grade because they are unprepared for something that has not happened yet, and then they feel worried. When they have a good grasp of what they need to do in each class, their anxiety will be much less.

Some issues are beyond the control of the parents, namely, his classmates. Children face some situations, such as when classmates next to them make a lot of acts like going to the child’s place to take a look at his things suddenly. These are not good times for children, but there is no way to prevent them, so they need to be nurtured, especially if they have just entered the first grade. Talk to them more after school and ask them if they have encountered any unpleasant things so that they can express themselves. They will find that even if they are worried, they can talk to their parents after school, and they will be comforted by their parents, and their anxiety will be reduced a bit. Then, the next day, when the unhappiness is over, they will be happy to go back to school again.

Every parent wants to ask their children more when they come home from school and know more about the school picture. Parents should learn more questioning skills so that children can say more and the picture is more complete. Some children are more extroverted and talk more, so it is easier for parents to understand; some children are more introverted. A major characteristic of an introverted child is that he or she has not yet grasped the situation internally and therefore does not know how to express it.

When dealing with introverted children, you can make it simple by drawing a poster with many different emotions and asking them what they are feeling today. When they see the pictures, they will think about them, and sometimes they will point to “angry,” sometimes to “sad,” and sometimes to “happy.” This way, they can be asked what they are happy, angry, or sad about. They will then have room to express these emotional things.

資料來源：心啟晴心理學家李偉堂博士

到下學期，K3小朋友要開始準備上小學，除了認識新的學校、預備文具和學習穿校服等，還有甚麼家長可以協助他們順利過渡，做好升小銜接？很多時候小朋友遇到很多未知的事物便會感到焦慮，應對小朋友的焦慮情況，最好事先做好預備工作。

甚麼是做準備？在上學前打開時間表，提醒小朋友：「你看上完這兩節課後便會有小息，然後上完這兩節課後又會有小息」，他們在心裡便會知道大約甚麼時候有小休，然後到午膳時間，再上課一會便放學了。

在老師方面，他們不知道誰是老師，我們便可以說：「這位老師應該是男老師，這位是女老師。」這樣就是事前的預備，讓小朋友對未發生的事情知道更多更好地做準備。尤其很多小學都會舉辦迎新活動，家長千萬不要因為忙碌，覺得九月開學時才回校，現在不用參與。能參與的便參與，這樣其實是幫助小朋友認識多點，面對未知的事物也能有充分的預備。

有了剛才那些充足的預備，還有甚麼細微的事情是我們需要留意的呢？我們說小朋友升上小一會焦慮，是對未發生的事情，沒有任何準備，然後會感到擔心。當他們能夠掌握每一節課整體需要做甚麼事情，焦慮的感覺便會減少很多。

有些則不是父母可以掌握的範圍之内，就是他的同學們。小朋友會面對一些情況，例如旁邊的同學很多小動作，會走到小朋友的位置拿他的東西來看。這些對小朋友來說是不順利的時間，但這些是沒法預防，所以要培養一下他們。尤其他們剛踏進小一，在放學後多點和他們聊天，問他有沒有遇到不順利的事情，讓小朋友可以說出來抒發一下。他們便會發現即使有些擔心，放學後可以和爸媽說，爸媽也會安慰他，他們的不安感也會再減少一點。然後到了第二天，那些不高興的事情已經放下了，他們便會重新再來開心上學。

每位爸媽也想在小朋友放學回來時，問他們多點東西，知道多點上學的畫面。家長應該學習多些問問題的技巧，讓小朋友如何可以說多點内容，畫面更完整。其實有些小朋友比較外向點，多說話的，對父母來說當然會容易明白點；有些小朋友則比較内斂，内斂的小朋友有很大的特徵，就是他的内心還未能夠掌握情況，所以不知道該怎麼表達。

面對内向的小朋友時，可以簡單一點，就是畫一張海報，上面有很多不同的情緒圖案，然後問他今天經歷了甚麼心情。他們看到圖案便會想，可能有時候會指著生氣、有時候會指著傷心、有時候又會指著開心，這樣就可以問他發生甚麼事感到高興、生氣或傷心？他們就有空間表達有這些情緒的事情。

Source: Senior Parenting Education Expert, Bally

After school every day, asking children to sit down and do homework is like sending them to war. Usually, there are several reasons why children do not like or do not want to do their homework. How can parents help their children?

First, they really do not know how to do it. How can we tell if they really don’t know how to do it? I have found that many children go home and find that 80% of the homework requires parent guidance, so they can’t handle it on their own and naturally wait for their parents to come home. From the parents’ perspective, they will feel that their children do not want to do homework.

Second, the child actually understands how to do the homework 80% of the time, but they actually want their parents to accompany them, so they will fight for time with their parents. Once the parents are together, they pretend not to understand. In fact, they are not trying not to understand but are unconsciously hoping for their parents to accompany them and do homework together.

Third, they may be too tired. The parents may not have given the children a proper schedule, causing them to do homework in an unfavorable state, which is why they don’t want to do it.

If the child does not understand how to do the homework at first, the parents should communicate effectively with the school. If the school is willing to adjust the level of homework to suit the child, the parents won’t have to worry about the level difference. If the child doesn’t like doing homework, over time they will dislike going to school and eventually lose motivation to learn. Therefore, we must communicate with the school to see if they can give him some easier homework so that the child can enjoy the process of doing homework.

If the school is unable to cooperate, then the parents need to think about how to guide from the sidelines. Let the child gradually take some courses that start from easy to difficult on weekends, or give some words that the child can recognize, or through some games, let the child understand and slowly enjoy doing homework.

In fact, the biggest concern in the education sector is that students have already resisted learning, resisting going to school, and resisting doing homework. So we must seriously face the reasons why children are unwilling to do homework. Some children love to stick with their parents, but what do most parents do with their children when they get home now in our society? It’s doing homework; this is their only parent-child time. If the only parent-child time is not good or pleasant, it will cause many problems in the family or marriage.

If the child does not want to do homework and just wants to wait for the parents, the parents can play with and accompany the child while doing homework. You can read a book or do something similar to homework near the child, such as bringing work home to do, to make the child feel like you are accompanying them and both of you are doing something.

A worrying situation is when many parents say, “Okay, you do it; I’ll be here,” but in reality, they are watching TV, using their phone, or playing games. This makes the child feel that you are not really accompanying them and that you are not doing the same thing. Even if the child knows how to do most of it, it is preferable for the parent to spend some time watching him or her do it rather than doing something else. Continuously complimenting him/her while watching: “Good job; you can really do it!” gives more praise, which is the best approach.

If the child reaches the end of the K3 school term, they have already grown up and are quite independent. Parents may believe, “They are so big now, I shouldn’t go with them to do their homework anymore.” But in reality, parents should have a schedule in place for their children to follow from a young age. For example, when the child comes home from school, they need to take a break, have a snack, and play for a while. After maybe half an hour or 45 minutes, it’s time for homework.

In K1 and K2, parents can accompany their child while they do homework. But when they reach K3, parents can use a reward system. For example, “If I come home from work today and see that you have finished your homework, I will give you a sticker.” “If you are well-behaved and take a bath after finishing your homework, I will give you another sticker.” Give the child a schedule to follow and reward them with stars or hearts for each sticker they earn. On the child’s schedule, if they accumulate enough stars in a week, the mother should make some promises, such as going to the park. The rewards are best for parent-child activities, not toys, gifts, or candy.

資料來源：資深親職教育專家Bally

每天放學後，叫小朋友坐定定做功課，就如打仗一樣。通常小朋友不喜歡或不願意做功課，都有數個原因，家長可以如何協助小朋友呢？

第一，他真的不懂得怎樣做。如何才算是真的不懂得做？我發現有不少小朋友回到家後，原來有八成的功課要家長從旁指導，那麼小朋友自己一個處理不了，他就當然等待父母回家。在父母角度中，他們就會覺得小朋友不願意做功課了。

第二，小朋友其實有八成是懂得做的，但他其實很想父母陪伴自己，所以他會爭取和父母一起的時間，等到父母一起，就裝作不懂得 。其實他們不是想不懂的，而是潛意識地希望父母陪伴自己，想和父母一起做功課。

第三，可能是他們太累了。原來是父母在安排方面，沒有給小朋友一個恰當的時間表，令他們在一個不佳的狀態中做功課，所以小朋友就不願意做了。

如果小朋友原本是不懂得做，家長應和學校好好溝通。如果學校願意將功課的程度調彽，適合小朋友做，這樣家長就不需要擔心程度的差異。如果小朋友不喜歡做功課，久而久之就會變得討厭上學，繼而失去學習的動力。所以我們一定要和學校溝通，是否可以給他一些較淺的功課，令小朋友在做功課的過程中是享受的。

如果學校是不能夠配合，那麼家長要想想自己如何從旁指導，令小朋友或在假日慢慢讓他上一些由淺入深的課程，或給一些字讓小朋友認得，或透過一些遊戲剪接，令小朋友明白讓他慢慢享受做功課。

其實在教育界最擔心的就是他們已經抗拒學習，抗拒上學和抗拒做功課，所以我們要真真正正地正視小朋友不願意做功課的原因。有些小朋友很喜歡和爸爸媽媽黏在一起，但在現時的社會大部分父母回到家後會和小朋友做甚麼？就是做功課，這是他們唯一的親子時間。如果唯一的親子時間，大家也關係不好或不高興，就會製造很多家庭或婚姻的問題。

如果小朋友不願意做功課，只是為了等待父母。家長可在小朋友身邊半玩耍，半陪伴，用半親子的方法和他一起做。你可以在旁邊看書或做一些類似功課的東西，例如工作上有些東西要帶回家處理的，讓小朋友覺得你在他身邊陪伴，你在做事他也在做事。

有一個令人感擔心的情況，便是很多家長會說：「行了，你做吧，我就在旁邊」，但其實家長在看電視、看手機或玩遊戲機。這樣的話小朋友就會覺得其實你不是在陪伴他，大家都不是在做同一樣事情。當然就算小朋友大部分都懂得怎樣做，家長不用爭取時間做其他事，最好真正地看著他做。在旁邊不停稱讚他：「不錯喔，原來真的會做喔！」給他多一點稱讚，那麼這個就是最好的方法了。

如果小朋友到了K3下學期左右，其實他們都已經成大了，挺有獨立能力的。家長或許會想「這麼大了，不應該再陪他做功課了」，其實家長從小到大已經開始要有時間表的鋪排，讓小朋友跟隨。譬如小朋友放學回家，他們要休息一會或吃一點東西和玩一會遊戲，可能半小時或者45分鐘後就開始要做功課了。

在K1、K2的時候，家長可以在旁陪著他，但到了K3家長就可以用獎賞的方法，「如果今天我下班回來後，我看到你完成功課，就給你一個剔號。如果做完功課後，你很乖地去洗澡，接著我會再給你一個剔。」給小朋友一個時間表讓他自己看，他每剔完之後家長便給他星星或心心。在他的時間表，每一星期的時間表儲了足夠的星星，媽媽就要有些承諾，例如去公園玩等。那些獎勵最好都是親子活動，不是買玩具、禮物或糖果。

Source: Speech Therapist, Mok Yee Tuen

Typically, babies start making sounds as soon as they are born, such as different crying sounds to express their demands. From 4 to 8 months, they start babbling, which is part of the language preparation period. Children actually go through a ladder of language development, starting with just learning single words and ending with being able to tell stories with their words.

Babies from 9 months to 1 year generally start producing their first meaningful word, such as “ba,” “ma,” or “ball ball.” From 1 to 2 years old, their understanding and vocabulary expression increase greatly, with the accumulation of single words forming two-word phrases, such as “mommy drink” and “eat bun bun.”

From 2 to 3 years old, children generally speak in longer sentences and can express different needs. For example, they like to add a word to the two-word phrases, forming three-word combinations, such as “Daddy eat bun” and “I want grandma.” Some children start using adjectives, such as “sister eats a big apple.”

Young children generally recognize more different sentences and start using conjunctions after 3 and a half years old, and by 5 years old, they slowly understand how to combine different sentences and use more conjunctions and start to narrate things logically, that is, by telling stories.

In fact, the language development of young children is slightly different for each person, but through empirical research, we also have some important reference indicators to see if a child may have a speech delay.

• The first is that there are no words at 2 years old.
• Second, no sentences appear before the age of three.
• The third is that speech is unclear and hard to understand after 3 years old,
• Fourth, sentences are still unclear after 5 years old.

If the child is not speaking more and more as they grow, parents should seek the help of a professional to assess and train them as soon as possible.

資料來源：言語治療師莫宜端

一般來說寶寶一出生開始便會發聲的，例如會用不同哭罵聲表達他們的訴求。到4至8個月便開始牙牙學語，這些都是屬於語言準備期的一部分來。其實小朋友有一個言語發展的階梯，由他們剛剛學習單字，到慢慢開始有組織地說故事。

9個月至1歲的寶寶，一般他們會開始發出第一個有意思的單字，例如說「爸」、「媽」或「波波」這樣。到1歲至2歲的寶寶，他們理解和表達詞彙的數量會大大增加，多到他們將一個一個的單詞慢慢組合起來變為兩個字的詞，例如「媽媽飲」及「吃包包」等組合便會出現。

到2至3歲的小朋友，一般他們說的句子也會愈來愈多，可以表達不同的需要。例如他們喜歡在雙詞語之上再加上一個詞彙，變成三詞語的組合，例如說「爸爸吃包」及「我要奶奶」等。有些小朋友會開始使用形容詞，例如說「妹妹吃大蘋果」。

小朋友一般到3歲半後便會認識更多不同的句子，也開始使用連接詞，一直到5歲他們慢慢懂得將不同句子組合一起，也用上更多連接詞，開始有條理地敍述一件事，也就是所謂的說故事。

其實幼兒的語言發展每個人也略有不同，但是經過實證研究，我們也有些重要的參考指標，可以看看小朋友是否有可能有言語遲緩的情況。

• 第一，2歲時也沒有任何詞彙 
• 第二，就是到3歲也沒有句子出現
• 第三，3歲之後說話模糊不清令人難以理解
• 第四，5歲後句子也是表達不清

如果孩子愈大愈不說話，如果遇到這種情況，家長便要找專業人士評估以及早訓練。

Source：Taiwan Professional organizing advisor, Yu Zhi Lin

One of the parents’ nightmares is working hard to pack up the toys every night, but the next morning they were scattered all over the floor again. Pack up your stuff. How can parents teach their children to pack up their toys?

We decide how big the storage box should be based on the child’s age, which is about 1 to 2 years old. To prevent children from putting toys in their mouths, toys at this time are usually larger, so we need a slightly larger storage box. When children are younger, our standards can be very low, mainly to let them know that they need to clean up after playing with toys, pack them up in the storage box, and put all the toys in it. At this age, we need to train them to be tidy.

By the time children are a little older, about 3 to 5 years old, they can already have a preliminary classification. Know that there are different types of toys. At that time, the storage box does not have to be so big, we can change a smaller storage box, according to the different types of toys a little classification. We adjust the rules of the game a little higher; you can paste some classification labels outside the box, with patterns, colors, or word cards, so that children can easily identify. For example, a car, with a car pattern or a word card “Car”, so that children can slowly learn to remember this classification.

When children go to elementary school, they will have their own ideas and know what to put away where, so our storage box can become smaller. Then we can store many small things for children, such as little girls’ ornaments, small beads, and accessories for Barbie dolls. We can also use such a small box to sort, because after such a long time of training, children will find it very natural to clean up, and parents will also feel very relaxed.

資料來源：台灣收納整理師于之琳

家長的其中一個惡夢，就是每晚辛苦將玩具放好，第二天早上又散滿一地。自己玩具自己執，家長可以如何教導小朋友執拾玩具呢？

我們依據小朋友的年紀來決定收納箱應該要多大，小朋友大概在小寶寶1至2歲的時候。為避免小朋友將玩具放到嘴巴，這個時候的玩具通常也比較大件，我們需要的收納箱就稍微大一點。在小朋友年紀比較小的時候，我們的標準可以很低很低，主要讓他們知道玩完玩具之後是需要收拾的，要收拾到收納箱，把所有的玩具收進去就好。在這個年紀，我們需要訓練他們的是收納。

到了小朋友再大一點，大概3至5歲時，他們已經可以有初步分類。知道玩具類型有不一樣。那時候的收納箱就不一定要這麼大了，我們可以換一個小一點的收納箱，依據不同類型的玩具稍為分類一下。我們把遊戲規則調高一點，可以在收納箱外面貼一些分類標籤，以圖案、顏色或字卡，方便小朋友辨認。例如車子，有車子的圖案或用字卡「Car」，讓小朋友慢慢去學習記得這種分類。

當小朋友升上小學，他們會有自己的想法，會知道甚麼東西要收在哪裡，我們的收納盒就可以變得更小。然後可以收納很多小朋友的小東西，像小女生的飾品、小珠珠及Barbie娃娃的配件。我們也可以利用這麼小的盒子來分類，因經過這麼長時間的培養。小朋友會對於收拾東西是一個很自然的事情，不會感到很反感，家長也會感到很輕鬆。

資料來源：親職教育專家Ken Sir

有些媽媽會經常問我：「我應該怎樣表達我對小朋友的愛？會否因為我表達得太多而造成溺愛？」，我覺得其實中國人較為內斂，對愛的表現，很多時候都不敢說出來。尤其是你本來想表達你很緊張他，但就變成另一種態度。

有次我在沙田見到一個媽媽和她的小朋友走失了，然後再重聚，重聚後媽媽的表現是怎樣呢？就是捉著他的手打他  ，一邊打一邊説：「我剛剛見不到你，你知不知道我很害怕。我很擔心你，見不到你怎麽辦呀？」

其實大家都知道媽媽是愛他的，但小朋友就感受不到。我經常在講座分享一個例子去表達愛，就是在我小時候爸爸叫了一杯飲料，因為當時錢不多，當叫完一杯熱飲後就問侍應多拿一個杯子。在我面前不停把飲料倒來倒去，想盡快把飲料弄涼，讓小朋友喝的時候不會燙傷嘴巴，而且可以快點喝得到，但我發現如果當小朋友問父母的時候或我問過很多學生的父母，他們都是會答：「這樣會快點變涼。」

家長在回應小朋友時應該表達最深的層次，就是因為我愛你，我不愛你我怎麽會做這事情呢？難道我為旁邊那個做？為旁邊的小朋友做嗎？所以其實我們在生活上很多事情可以表達愛，但有一種事一定要記住，如果你害怕造成溺愛，一定要切記以下兩點。

第一點小朋友可以做到的事，應該要讓他做，你不應該爭著做。第二點就是小朋友犯錯，我們要指正他。在指正的過程中，盡量用到溫柔而堅定，需要嚴肅的時候要嚴肅。但要提醒小朋友記著要説上解決方法，而不是只說NO，只說不對。這樣的話，小朋友是不會進步的。

Source: Parenting Specialist, Ken Sir,

Some mothers often ask me, “How should I show my love for my children?” Will it be spoiled by expressing too much? I think that Chinese people are more introverted and are often afraid to express their love. Especially when you want to express your concern for him but end up with a different attitude.

I once saw a mother and her little child lost in Shatin and then reunited. How did the mother behave after the reunion? She grabbed him by the hand and hit him while saying, “I just couldn’t see you; do you know how scared I was?” I am very worried about you. What can I do if I can’t see you?

In fact, everyone knows that his mother loves him, but the child cannot feel it. I often share an example of how to express love in my lectures. When I was a child, my father ordered a drink, and since he didn’t have much money at the time, he asked the waiter for an extra cup after ordering a hot drink. He kept pouring the drinks around in front of me, trying to get the drinks cold as soon as possible so that the kids wouldn’t burn their mouths when they drank them and they could drink them faster, but I found that if the kids asked their parents or I asked many of the student’s parents, they would all answer, “This will get cold faster.”

When responding to children, parents should express their deepest feelings, such as “Because I love you, how would I do this thing if I didn’t love you?” Do I do it for the one next to me? In fact, there are many things we can do in life to express love, but there is one thing we must remember if we are to avoid causing spoiled, you must remember the following two points.

The first point is that if a child can do something, he should be allowed to do it; you should not fight to make him do it. The second point is that when a child makes a mistake, we should correct him. In the process of correction, we should be gentle and firm, and serious when we need to becv serious. However, remind the child that he or she should be told the solution, not just no or wrong. If so, the child will not improve.

資料來源：資深親職教育專家Bally

不少家長經常會問「為甚麼小朋友這麼不聽話？」、「為甚麼他這麽討厭我？」或「現在愈來愈不理我了。」其實我們當父母的，有四種行為是會令小朋友慢慢地討厭了自己。平日接觸很多家長，他們很多時不自覺地說了一些說話，或者做了一些行為，令小朋友討厭自己，這都是父母沒有留意到的。

第一，是比較。我們經常很自然地對小朋友說「為甚麼你會這樣？」、「弟弟都沒有像你這樣，弟弟很整齊的」及「你看看旁邊的同學多聽父母話」等。當我們經常用「比較」的態度去表達自己時，小朋友一聽到媽媽的聲音，就會覺得很討厭。

第二，很多時候小朋友做錯事，家長都會忽略了其行為背後的動機。當發現小朋友做錯事，我們應先了解行為背後，小朋友想達到的目的，不排除他們是想做一些正確的事。可能是想倒杯水給父母或弟弟，又或他做功課做得不好，其實他已經盡了力，只是精神疲累。

當他做得不好的時候，我們可以先讚賞其行為，「辛苦你了，我知道你很乖想倒水給父母，但是以後不要再倒瀉了」、「這樣很危險的」或「不要走這麽快。」我們讚賞了小朋友後，他便會明白自己是做對了事情，然後才會聽父母建議後再改善。

第三，家長要留意每日下班時，其實是否充滿了負能量，將情緒帶進家裡。當家長看到小朋友行為做得不合意時，可能我們會一連串地地將情緒發洩在小朋友身上。這對小朋友並不公平，可能他只是犯了很少很少的錯誤，卻遭到連串的責怪。

第四，家長要很小心，表達憤怒時會把一些不正確的信息錯誤地灌輸予小朋友。例如「你這樣做，不如不要當我的兒子」。當我們錯誤地用了這麽激動的詞彙，對小朋友的傷害其實是很大的。

家長絕對不可以在小朋友成長過程中犯上這四種行為，否則他們從小就會討厭父母。

Source: Senior Parenting Expert, Bally

Many parents often ask, “Why is the child so disobedient?” “Why does he hate me so much?” or “He is ignoring me more and more.” In fact, there are four types of behaviors that, over time, will cause our children to despise themselves. Many of the parents that I have met in my day-to-day life often unconsciously say or do things that make their children hate themselves. This is what parents do not notice.

First, comparison. We frequently ask children, “Why are you like this?” “Your younger brother is not like you; he is very neat,” and “look at the students next to me; they listen to their parents. “When we often express ourselves in a “comparison” manner, children will feel disgusted when they hear their mother’s voice.

Secondly, when children do something wrong, parents often overlook the motives behind their behavior. When we find out that a child is doing something wrong, we should first understand what the child is trying to accomplish with the behavior. Do not rule out that they are trying to do something right. Maybe he wants to pour a glass of water for his parents or his brother, or he is not doing his homework well, but in fact, he is doing his best and is just mentally tired.

When he is not doing well, we can first praise his behavior by saying, “Thanks; I know you are nice and want to pour water for us, but don’t spill water again.” “It’s dangerous,” or “Don’t walk so fast.” After we praise the child, he will understand that he is doing the right thing, and then he will listen to his parent’s advice and improve.

Third, parents should pay attention to the end of the day if, in fact, they are full of negative energy and bring emotions into the home. When parents see that their children are not behaving in a satisfactory manner, they may take out their emotions on them in a series of ways. This is not fair to the child, who may have made only a few mistakes but is being blamed for a series of them.

Fourth, parents should be very careful that expressions of anger will misinform their children with inaccurate information. For example, “If you do this, you might not be my son.” When we mistakenly use such an aggressive word, it can be very harmful to the child.

Parents should never commit these four behaviors while children are growing up, or they will hate their parents from an early age.

資料來源：資深親職教育專家Bally

如何可以知道自己是否稱職的父母呢？我們可以從小朋友與父母的相處，及小朋友的表現得知，以下有五點大家可以觀察到的。

第一，信任父母。如果小朋友很信任父母，我們能夠從他們的眼神及與父母溝通時的反應看得到。當父母跟小朋友傾談時，他可以專注地看著父母、了解父母的意思，並很清楚地回應「嗯！明白」，繼而按著指示做。這代表父母平時與小朋友有著很好的溝通。

第二，勇於向父母表達。如果小朋友遇到一些情況後，主動告訴父母，這證明父母給予他很大空們。他們不怕被父母責罵，更認為父母會給予一個正確的方向，教他們怎樣做，又很接受他們做錯的行為。所以小朋友慢慢在安全網下，會做一些父母覺得正確的事。父母和小朋友的溝通很重要，我們要建立大家和諧的關係，就要給予他們信心。無論他們發生甚麼事，都很勇敢地跟父母分享剛才發生的情況或感受，這是很重要的。

第三，具有自信心。我們如何看得出小朋友有自信呢？若小朋友每做一件事前，都要先看看父母，從父母眼神得到肯定才做。在這個情況下，小朋友明顯未夠自信，因為他不知道怎樣做才是正確，怎樣做才是錯誤。

當小朋友在不同情況下都能自信地完成一件事，父母看到可以先給予肯定，然後才慢慢告訴他，其實他剛才這樣做是對還是錯，這樣久而久之就會建立小朋友自信。他們會知道不是每次做一件事都一定要對的，只要有信心，可以先嘗試去做。我們在這個過程中提點小朋友，慢慢就會建立了小朋友的自信。

第四，備有同理心。若小朋友很多時都具有同理心，例如看到小朋友跌倒，他會過去扶起小朋友；看到婆婆過馬路時，他會想扶婆婆。他這麼有同理心，代表父母平時在日常生活中都帶了這個訊息給他，這是一對非常稱職的父母。

因為我們未來成長的教育都希望小朋友除了照顧自己，還要關懷社會，留意社會的一切，所以同理心是很重要的。在日常生活中如果小朋友有能力照顧自己，還能夠照顧其他身邊的人，其實這個有同理心的做法是很重要的。所以父母們最好留意自己平時跟小朋友待人接物的相處方法，因為如果我們有同理心，小朋友很自然就會有同理心。

第五，具有自理能力。小朋友有足夠自理能力照顧自己，例如能夠自己吃飯、穿衣服及穿鞋等，這亦代表其父母非常稱職。因為父母教懂他們「How to fish, not fish for them」。我們作為父母應該要教懂小朋友，有足夠的能力應付自己日常生活的事情。如果到了K2下學期，小朋友都未學會自己穿校服，其實久而久之會引至小朋友沒有自信，而且他會有依賴的傾向，漸漸失去自理能力，自我價值觀慢慢下跌，所以自理能力這一環是很重要。做一個稱職的父母很需要教懂小朋友，自己照顧自己生活上的一切。

Source: Senior Parenting Expert, Bally 

How can we know if we are competent parents? We can find out how the children get along with their parents and how they behave by observing them, and here are five things we can observe.

First, trust the parents. If a child trusts their parents, we can see it in their eyes and in their responses when they communicate with their parent. When a parent talks to a child, the child looks intently at the parent, understands what the parent is saying, and responds clearly with “Yes! I understand,” and then follows instructions. This means that parents usually have good communication with their children.

Parents often tell their children why they should do something, whether it is a good thing to do, or what they think of it. For example, “I think you did a good job when a child fell down and you walked over to pick him up right away.” When parents tell their children how they feel and praise them for doing the right thing, they will be more willing to listen to their parents’ feelings and reactions, and they will gradually build trust.

Second, be brave enough to tell your parents. If children are willing to tell their parents when they encounter certain situations, it proves that their parents give them a lot of space. They are not afraid of being scolded by their parents, and they believe that their parents will give them the right direction, teach them what to do, and accept their wrongdoing. Therefore, children will slowly do what their parents think is right under the safety net. Communication between parents and children is very important, and we need to give them confidence in order to build a harmonious relationship. No matter what happens to them, it is very important that they are brave enough to share with their parents what has just happened or how they feel.

Third, have self-confidence. How can we tell that a child is confident? If a child looks at his or her parents before doing something and gets a positive look from them before doing it, in this case, the child is obviously not confident enough because he does not know what is right and what is wrong.

When a child can do something confidently in different situations, the parents can see that they can first give affirmation and then slowly tell him whether it is actually right or wrong to do what he just did, which over time will build the child’s confidence. They will know that they do not always have to do something right, as long as they have confidence, they can try to do it first. We will slowly build children’s self-confidence by reminding them of this process.

Fourth, have empathy. If children have empathy in many cases, for example, when they see a child fall, they will go to help the child; when they see an old woman crossing the street, they will want to help her. The fact that he is so empathic indicates that his parents, who are a competent pair of parents, have brought this message to him in their daily lives. 

Because our future education hopes that children will not only take care of themselves but also care for society and pay attention to everything in society, empathy is very important. If children are able to take care of themselves and other people around them in their daily lives, it is important to be empathetic. So parents better pay attention to their own way of dealing with children, because if we have empathy, children will naturally have empathy.

Fifth, the ability to take care of themselves children are capable of taking care of themselves, such as eating, dressing, putting on shoes, etc. This also means that their parents are really competent at their jobs because they have taught them “how to fish, not fish for them.” As parents, we should teach our children that they are capable of coping with their own daily lives. If a child does not learn to put on his or her own school uniform by the end of K2, he or she will lose self-confidence over time and have a tendency to become dependent, gradually losing the ability to take care of himself or herself. It is important to be a competent parent to teach children to take care of their own lives.

資料來源：心理治療師李偉堂

每每有事發生，小朋友就會以不同藉口，將責任推卸到別人身上。家長可能會因而責罵小朋友，但如此一來，可能會令小朋友更逃避承擔責任，面對這種情況，家長可以怎樣做？

首先當家長問小朋友「事情為甚麼沒完成？」或「為甚麼不懂？」的時候，家長是想小朋友承擔責任。但這時候小朋友會想要推搪，將責任交給其他人，歸根究底家長心裡其實都想小朋友做到這個責任。你要知道負責任最開始是小朋友有沒有空間去做決定 ，因為有空間叫作有自主的感覺。如果小朋友能夠有一種自主的感覺，會更加容易負責任。

舉例他不懂做功課，問他為甚麼不懂，他說老師沒教、老師教得不好或其他同學很吵。那一刻如果家長繼續要說他不專心，只會令小朋友把責任拋得更遠。所以這個時候我們要知道既然要面對困難，我們要怎樣做得更好，然後跟小朋友一起想辦法。

小朋友會覺得他有責任去做好事情，自然他就會把責住放回自己身上讓自己做到。而當小朋友能夠自己做到事情，他便會更願意承擔責任。所以這是我常說家長最重要的不是問責，因為問責只會教會小朋友卸責，而相對我們可以幫小朋友一起承擔責任，完成事情。這就是我們常教小朋友，承擔責任最重要的心得。

Source: Psychotherapist, Lee Wai Tong

Whenever something happens, children will use different excuses to shirk their responsibility toward others. Parents may then scold the child for this, but this may make the child avoid taking responsibility. Faced with this situation, what can parents do?

First of all, when parents ask children, “Why didn’t you finish the work?” or “Why don’t you understand?” Parents want their children to take responsibility. But at this time, the child will want to shirk the responsibility and give it to someone else, but at the end of the day, the parents actually want the child to take responsibility. You should know that responsibility starts with the child having the time to make decisions because having the time is called having a sense of autonomy. If children can have a sense of autonomy, they will be more likely to be responsible.

For example, if he does not know how to do his homework and is asked why he does not understand, he will say that the teacher did not teach him, the teacher did not teach him well, or that the other students were noisy. At that moment, if parents continue to say that he is not concentrating in class, they will only make the child throw the responsibility further away. So at this point, we need to know how to do better since we are facing difficulties and then work with the child to figure out how to do it.

The child will feel responsible for doing a good job, so naturally he will put the responsibility back on himself and let himself do it. And when children can do things on their own, they will be more willing to take responsibility. This is why I always say that the most important thing for parents is not to be accountable because accountability only teaches children to unload their responsibilities, while we can help our children take responsibility and accomplish things together. This is the most important lesson we often teach our children about responsibility.

撰文：言語治療師媽媽Miss Carley

小朋友到了約兩、三歲，其實他們對於世界的認知會愈來愈深的，教導他們認識情緒，其實可以幫助他們抒發內心感受，以及鼓勵他們設身處地理解別人的感受，從而提升社交技巧。

• 招數1：家長同小朋友一起睇卡通片

家長可以多些與小朋友看卡通片，很多時候這些卡通片的人物表情都是很誇張，可以讓小朋友辨認人物的情緒及感受，詢問他們的原因和解決方法等。家長和小朋友看故事和說故事過程中，其實也可以請小朋友代入故事內的人物，想想他們有甚麼感受。

例如三隻小豬的故事，家長可問他們如果你是小豬，你的房子被人吹倒了，你會覺得怎麼樣？如果你是大豬，你的房子沒有被人吹倒，你又會覺得怎麼樣？這可讓他們多些設身處地來推敲別人的感受。

• 招數2：將心比心

在日常生活中，家長也可以嘗試抓緊機會，讓小朋友知道原來自己的行為，是會影響到別人的感受。例如當小朋友做了一些不乖或壞的事情，可以問他「你覺得媽媽現在情緒是怎麼樣？」原來媽媽會生氣的，讓他們知道自己的行為其實也會影響別人。

• 招數3：請小朋友用日記形式紀錄每日的事

家長也可以嘗試請小朋友以日記形式，畫下或寫下每一天發生的事情，以及他在當中自己或別人的感受，加深他們情緒方面的認知。

再進一步，其實家長也可以教導小朋友，我們感受和情緒也有不同的程度之分。例如開心，可以是少許開心、很開心和十分開心。家長也可以與他們玩簡單遊戲，例如在主題樂園時，可以問小朋友「你是少許開心、很開心還是十分開心呢？如果少許開心就行一步、很開心行兩步或十分開心行三步。」讓小朋友更加進一步認識這些情緒。

Written by: Speech Therapist Mother, Miss Carley

Since children are only about two or three years old, their knowledge of the world will become deeper and deeper, teaching them to understand emotions can help them express their feelings and encourage them to put themselves in the position of understanding the feelings of others, thereby enhancing their social skills.

• Tip 1: Parents and children watch cartoons together

  Parents can watch more cartoons with their children. Often, the expressions of the characters in these cartoons are exaggerated so that children can identify the emotions and feelings of the characters and ask them about their reasons and solutions. Parents and children watching stories and the storytelling process, in fact, can also ask children to replace the characters in the story and think about what they feel.

For example, in the story of the three little pigs, parents can ask their children, “If you are a little pig and your house is blown down, how would you feel?” If you were the big pig and your house was not blown down, how would you feel? This allows them to put themselves in other people’s shoes more often.

• Tip 2: Put yourself in their shoes

  In daily life, parents can also try to grasp the opportunity to let their children know that their behavior will affect the feelings of others. For example, when a child does something bad or misbehaves, ask him, “What do you think about mommy’s emotions right now? It turns out that mommy is angry, so they know that their behaviors affect others.

• Tip 3: Ask your child to keep a diary of daily events

  Parents can also try to ask their children to draw or write down the events of each day in a diary, and how they feel about themselves or others, to deepen their emotional awareness.

Further, parents can teach their children that there are different levels of feelings and emotions. For example, happy can be a little happy, very happy, or super happy. Parents can also play simple games with their children, such as asking them at a theme park, “Are you a little happy, very happy, or super happy?” If you are a little happy, take one step; if you are very happy, take two steps; and if you are super happy, take three steps. Let the children know more about these emotions.

香港教育大學心理學系助理教授註冊教育心理學家羅偉柏博士

小朋友嗲聲嗲氣向你撒嬌，或用BB仔般的聲音向你要求不同東西或要你陪他玩耍，作為家長會有甚麼反應？會覺得小朋友很麻煩？抑或覺得小朋友在裝神弄鬼，毫不正經？

但為甚麼小朋友會撒嬌呢？研究指出，成人對撒嬌的聲音是特別敏感，更容易捉到成人的注意力。 而小朋友向父母撒嬌，有可能是那一刻他特別需要你關注。成人的生活有時真的太忙，會忽略了他們，所以小朋友見到父母時便會撒嬌。

而另一個可能性便是小朋友可能很累或有無力感時， 都會出現一些撒嬌或扮BB的情況，這些行為在成長階段都是十分平常。

另外一個可能的原因便是態度。首先媽媽可以觀察一下，當她和小朋友一起玩的時候，是否也讓小朋友有種舒服、高興和快樂的感覺，還是玩耍的時候很緊張，要擔心他這樣那樣、很多規管，或是媽媽一直在領導着他、給予他指令，或是玩耍的時候不知不覺地考他「這個怎樣叫？」「這個是甚麼顏色？」「這個標誌是甚麼？」「這個記號是甚麼？」

玩耍的時候，我們要放開這些所謂很有教育性意味的想法，我們不需要很嚴肅、很認真，這樣我們才可以給予小朋友建立一種很高興和愉快的經驗。小朋友玩的時候是需要放鬆的，我們不是要考核小朋友，要讓小朋友需要有自主的空間以及自由的選擇，這些便是真的玩樂。

當他選擇了喜歡玩的東西以及他喜歡怎樣玩，媽媽便可以在這兩個方面嘗試觀察一下，看看會否有改善的空間。到了最後，可能媽媽一點問題也沒有，只不過爸爸是一個和小朋友玩遊戲的高手，所以令小朋友特別喜歡他。

當小朋友向父母撒嬌時，家長可以如何回應呢？其實當我們明白孩子撒嬌的可能性後，我們就知道其實他們並不是在裝神弄鬼，或特意激怒家長。家長可以嘗試坐下與孩子聊聊天，了解一下他的需要，尤其是當小朋友撒嬌是因為他很累時，我們可以一些言語協助他們表達自己。例如問問小朋友：「你覺得怎樣啊？」 「你是不是很累？」「有甚麼我可以幫到你？」

當然你也可能想減少小朋友的撒嬌行為，你可以嘗試多點鼓勵他們，用適合他們年齡的言語和行為， 多讚賞和肯定他們。千萬不要在他們撒嬌的時候，責罵或取笑他們。

Written by:Dr. Wilbert Law, an assistant professor in the psychology department at Hong Kong University of Education and a registered educational psychologist.  

How do parents react when their children coax and pamper them, ask for different things,  or play with them in a baby-like voice? Do you think children are troublesome? Or do you feel that your child is just messing around, doing nothing serious?

But why will children pamper? Research has shown that adults are particularly sensitive to the sound of pampering, so it is easier to catch their attention. It is possible that the child is pampering his parents because he needs your attention at that moment. Sometimes adults are so busy with their lives that they may neglect them, so children will pamper their parents when they see them.

Another possibility is that when children are tired or feel powerless, they may pamper or   act like babies. These behaviors are very common in the growing-up stage.

How can parents respond when their children are pampering their parents? In fact, when   we understand the possibility of our children’s pampering, we know that they are not deliberately provoking parents, they can try to sit down and talk with their children to understand their needs, especially if the child is pampering because he or she is tired. We  can help them express themselves with some words. For example, ask your child, “How do you feel?” “Are you very tired?” “What can I do for you?”

Of course, you may also want to reduce your child’s pampering behavior by encouraging   them more, using age-appropriate words and behaviors, and praising and affirming them  more often. When they are pampering you, do not scold or mock them.