Category "育兒資訊"

看見孩子做功課至半夜,看見他們每分每秒被補習、溫習填滿一天的時間。不禁想問,父母對孩子有甚麼期望?或會說「對於出生於獅子山下的80後, 我總希望通過個人拼搏和努力,踏上我們童年時看到的,或是父輩們期望的生活軌跡。」但如果這一刻有人問我,究竟我們童年時幸福一點還是現在的孩子幸福一點? 我會毫無疑問回答,「我們的孩子,將來面臨的環境和競爭,將會遠遠超過我們這一代人的經驗可以理解的範疇。」環顧孩子的生活,無盡地做功課、溫習便明白了。

也許是出於這個原因, 我一直擔心和擔憂究竟作為父母和教育工作者,我們現在給予孩子的是不是真的能迎合未來所需? 還有,孩子究竟需要學習什麼,才能讓她在未來少一點擔憂,多一點自信?

天下父母都期望給孩子快樂童年 現實卻因競爭交惡

大部份父母,我深信都希望讓孩子擁有快樂童年,但偏偏又擔心她沒有一技之長,處處比不過人家。總是受批評和挫敗的人生, 又如何擁有長久快樂。讓孩子從小多學不同技能, 琴棋書畫四書五經,但又怕孩子變成了學習機器,要是三催四請拖延,鬧得孩子抗拒壓力太大,心理不健康就更得不償失了。近年都說人工智能STEAM是未來的大熱門,是不是學這個就行?會不會孩子長大了又流行別的?

因此結果常常是: 孩子的真正競爭力沒有養成, 反之親子關係破裂,孩子對學習產生抗拒,家長變得焦慮不安,惡性循環不斷持續發生。那在漫長的人生中,父母真正能給孩子的,要給孩子的,究竟是什麼?在回答這個問題之前,我想先講一個關於孩子拖延學習的個案。

9歲男童做功課不上心 父母無奈

9歲的男孩小藍, 平日特別不愛做功課,搞得家長既生氣又無奈: 獎賞、責罵、批評、鼓勵,無所不用其極;有天晚上,父母心急吼了小藍,結果小藍不僅沒有聽話,反而哭著對喊,哭完也依然發呆坐着,功課原封不動, 爸爸更氣憤地說:「你不做完作業,你不要上床睡覺。」

小藍就這樣在功課桌上睡了一宿,爸爸深夜看著掛著淚珠睡著的小藍,有些懊悔:「我知道, 再這樣下去不是辦法,我情緒失控了,孩子對學習只會越來越抗拒。」

父母決意調整心態 助孩子學習+做功課

於是父母在四個月前與我聯絡上, 他們開始轉變思路。

功課只是一個鞏固知識的工具,是讓孩子知道自己吸收上課學習的知識有多深, 作為父母,我們的角色不是催孩子做功課,而是讓孩子明白學習的意義,提升學習的動機,鞏固良好學習的習慣,所以沒有人喜歡被別人責罵, 拖延不做也只因在做功課的過程中遇上困難, 所以父母開始陪小藍一起探索,做功課的困難到底在哪裡。

父母慢慢發現,小藍不喜歡閱讀理解作業, 因為大部分時候對文章中的意思不理解, 經常做錯,更被同學們取笑,於是情緒上一直拖延。於是父母就和小藍開始把焦點放在如何解決問題。

有一天,小藍突然靈光一閃問了媽媽一個問題:「媽媽, 其實文章中那些是重點詞語,為什麼他們是重點詞語,你能告訴我嗎?」

媽媽便耐心地告訴了小藍,日復日的嘗試,從小藍不明白什麼是重點詞語,慢慢學會自己圈出重點詞語,並告訴媽媽他圈出重點的看法,媽媽運用了正面引導和正面鼓勵。

就這樣,小藍不僅提高了做功課的駕馭感和勝任能力,還收穫了解難能力和解決問題的勇氣和決心。

最近在街上偶遇了小藍,我問小藍現在做功課怎麼樣, 他堅定地告訴我:「做功課依然好悶和枯燥,但做功課是我的責任,我也有能力把它做好。」

小藍的父母也告訴我,相信小藍長大成人後,遇到更多的困難也沒有問題,因為他有信心,知道自己有能力解決問題, 並會找到對的方向和道路。

實現自我的5大原則

小藍的轉變讓我有深刻的體會,父母的角色不是一味指責孩子,更不是代替孩子解決問題,而是成為孩子的引導者, 協助孩子培養出自我實現能力。 根據人本主義心理學家馬斯洛的需求層次理論的研究發現,自我實現是指一個人能在日常環境中充分發揮他的才能和潛能,實現個人理想和抱負,能達致自我實現的人通常有以下特徵:

  1. 對生命感到幸福和滿意;
  2. 能盡力發揮潛能;
  3. 具有創造力;
  4. 不易受到焦慮和恐懼的影響;
  5. 較容易接受他人的建議。

父母不能一輩子陪伴 重點讓孩子找到人生方向

孩子在未來總會有無數的困難和高山需要跨越, 作為父母的我們更不可能一輩子陪在身邊。 讓孩子找到人生目標和方向, 堅信自己的能力和優點,並鼓勵孩子一步步朝著自己的目標努力, 這些貌似虛幻但對人生十分重要的的品格和軟實力,才是一個孩子的核心競爭力。

最後,希望家長不要一味提升孩子的外在能力,更要關注孩子必須穩定的內在自我, 這才能讓孩子知道要往哪裡去,並且在困難來臨的時候,守住自己的心。而這一切, 有賴於父母的自我能力和育兒模式的提升, 鼓勵大家掌握科學的教育方法, 這才能成為一個既輕鬆又讓孩子感受愛的一百分家長。 祝福各位我們一起努力

孩子拖延症|開學後,發現孩子懶散了?「沖涼喇!」「做完功課未?執書包喇!」「好去刷牙瞓覺喇!」每日都要對孩子如此碎碎念嗎?許多親子衝突的引爆點在於,孩子明明做得來卻拖拖拉拉,最終惹得爸媽怒氣衝天,最終以強迫孩子完成相關事宜,令親子關係結冰。正向家長學院總監辰民爸爸說分享了改善孩子做事拖拖拉拉的方法。

孩子拖延症起因

記得《拖延心理學》作者 Piers Steel 在書中曾提及五種拖延心態:害怕失敗、害怕成功、反抗權威、害怕離開人際舒適圈及用瑣事逃避大事等等,而孩子則會因為害怕失敗, 對某件事產生討厭感覺,心存恐懼,不知道如何做而選擇放棄和拖延。

如果你已經出現以上狀況,你更希望協助孩子走出來,首先,你必須知道「打罵」從根本上解決不了問題,反而是如何引導孩子正面面對問題,把焦點放在解決根源的方案上,才是重要,也因此今次分享一個正面言語「我可以」給大家,協助孩子一步步從「我不能」只是「因為我不會」,再從「因為我不會」慢慢把焦點放在「我如何解決」,最後變成「我可以」。

例如:孩子做作業時說:「我不能!」

我們可以引導孩子說:「我聽到你說你不能?可以告訴我那𥚃不能?(那個字?那句句子?)把不能的範圍縮小。

當孩子能清晰地表達那個範圍不會後,可以引導孩子,告訴他,原來「因為你不會⋯⋯」,再把孩子轉移到思考解決方案,「我們不如一起想方法解決好嗎?」

完成後的鼓勵

當孩子做到後,鼓勵孩子說一句「我可以⋯⋯」給予肯定和加強信心,最後協助孩子把這份信心連繫到孩子當在日後面對困難的應對心態。

當日復日運用這種方法,孩子習慣用這種模式應對事情後,他會建立「勇敢面對」的品格強項。

而「我可以」 不單是孩子運用的專利,作為父母,我們也可以運用它成為一個非常有力的肯定性語句,從而幫助建立正面的關係,改善與孩子的溝通。

以下是一些使用「我可以」的技巧:

  1. 表達自己的意見:當父母想要表達自己的意見或建議時,可以使用「我可以」來表示你的想法,例如「我可以提供一些想法給你參考,來解決這個問題。
    2. 提供協助:當你想要提供幫助時,使用「我可以」來表示你的願意和能力,例如「我可以與你你完成這個任務。」
    3. 表達感謝:使用「我可以」來表達感謝和讚賞,例如「我可以感謝你的幫助嗎?因為你做了…讓這件事情變得更加容易。」
    4. 聆聽孩子想法,從而感到彼此尊重:使用「我可以」來表示你願意聆聽孩子的想法和建議,例如「我可以聽一下你對這個問題的看法。」

使用「我可以」的語言技巧可以幫助你建立積極、合作和支持性的溝通氛圍,讓孩子感到受到尊重和重視。

 

如何解決孩子拖延症?孩子總是最後一秒才願出門口返學?測考默書總是臨急抱拂腳嗎?作為父母,我們總希望孩子未雨綢繆,多一點時間準備,不要等到最後一刻才行動,但為何我們這期望總與現實不符?究竟臨急抱拂腳的行為模式是怎樣形成,又如何調整?

另外,也有很多家長分享,每當孩子學習,總是三催四請拖得就拖,究竟是什麼原因導致他們在學習上產生拖延?難道真的沒有方法提升動力、減決孩子拖延症?

答案有,作為家長,我們最基本需要掌握以下3大基礎重點:

  1. 挫敗感令人卻步

孩子明知做事拖延的後果就是做不好和被責罵,但為何依然堅持?有否想過他們因為對結果成敗看得太重,已經忘記了過程中的學習經驗才最寶貴?

試想想,掌握不了過程,又擔心未如理想的結果出現,最佳的應對方法是什麼?就是按兵不動。所以當孩子享受不了過程,又不能在過程中獲取有價值的經驗,就會造成孩子的拖延行為。解決在於我們如何協助孩子在過程中學習。

2.       臨急抱佛腳也有正面驅動力

根據研究顯示,距離任務截止日期越長,個人執行任務的動機就越弱,所以能否設定合理時限十分重要。

再者,自主及自尊感的強弱也會影響執行的動機,故此臨急抱拂腳也是一種自我保護的操作模式。問題是我們如何從中取得平衡,不被它的動機掌控,從而建立未雨綢繆和準備充足的價值觀。

3.       缺乏對提升動力減少拖延方法的認知

改變一個習慣,需要一個條理清晰的步驟和方法。何況拖延牽涉到大腦運作?如何鞏固好行為,需要運用外在和內在激勵,但問題是父母需要理解不同年齡階段的操作指引,因為稍一不慎,會變成打罵和溺愛,反而令孩子變本加厲。

故此,辰民爸爸好希望各位家長明白引導孩子走出拖延漩渦,建立學習動力的心理狀態,從而提升學習效能,需要從認知大腦發展和培育正向品格為首要,讓孩子對所做的任務產生正面的體驗和感受,從外在的意義轉化成內在的動機,從而提升執行任務的趣味性和驅動力,這才能讓孩子真正走出拖延。

學習記憶力,對測考成績有決定性影響,但之前小朋友習慣了上網課、在家學習,之後重返校園,未必能立即投入傳統的學習模式,測驗考試成績也可能未如理想。因此平日家長的培育就變得十分重要,正向家長教育專家辰民爸爸分享強化孩子記憶力的3大要點,有助培養一套有效的學習模式。

前兩天,有家長問我,如何提升孩子在學習時的記憶力,總感覺他左耳入右耳出,不知如何是好⋯⋯究竟如何培育孩子的學習習慣和鞏固孩子的學習心態?

其實坊間很多很好的培訓機構有不同方法幫助孩子強化記憶,但在家中,家長的配合和合作對提升孩子的記憶力也是非常重要的,所以我把它歸納為3大重點:

強化孩子記憶力方法1:評估情緒狀態

首先要知道為何有些人記憶力欠佳,當中包含很多因素,但關鍵是因為在大腦造影過程中出現阻礙,當中包括長期運用大腦執行功能壓抑負面情緒,導致其他功能未能有效運作。

例如你從未接觸過元宇宙和虛擬貨幣,也對這些主題不感興趣,如果突然要你學習,更要你了解和掌握相關的專有名詞,是不容易的。若然老師更以嚴厲手法教導相關資料,引起你的負面情緒,你還能記住相關資料嗎?是挺難的,所以我們要評估一下孩子學習時的情緒狀態會否影響記憶過程。

強化孩子記憶力方法2:五感體驗提升回想能力

記憶力分為「感官記憶」、「短期記憶」(工作記憶)和「長期記憶」。而孩子一開始學習的知識是屬於感官記憶至短期記憶,感官記憶能否有效過渡至短期記憶,在於孩子學習過程中能否得到有效的五感發展和體驗。

良好的五感體驗能提升孩子的注意力,從而有效轉移短期記憶。例如孩子寫中文字時,除了手拿著筆的體感外,還有甚麼感官記憶?感官記憶越大,回想的能力越強烈。

強化孩子記憶力方法3:持續應用

我們總會有種錯覺,以為只要花時間背熟知識,就能牢牢記住。但根據心理學研究,如果想牢牢記住相關記憶,關鍵不在於背熟,而是在於有沒有經常應用和回想,大腦只會記住我們認為重要的東西,何謂重要?有兩點:

一、關於生命能否延續,因此被火燒的感覺,即刻不用刻意回想,也會牢牢記住。

二、生活中是否持續應用,因此每天起床刷牙、洗面時,也不需刻意記住刷牙的步驟。

回到學習路上,能否把學習的知識匹配至第二點持續應用十分重要,所以複習知識的時間也應是按規律的。

總結以上3點,大家可以檢視一下孩子的學習模式和習慣,反思能否在某些地方引導得更好。而我總認為學習本是快樂事,孩子抗拒學習不是孩子有問題,只是沒有培養出一套有效的學習模式。

如果你也重視孩子的學習模式和習慣,鼓勵你關注以下課題,只要你能掌握當中原理和方法,我深信孩子一定重回快樂學習路上:

1.如何協助孩子快樂地重複好的學習行為
2. 運用獎賞激勵而不破壞學習動機的方法
3. 如何從拖延學習把孩子帶出來
4. 培育孩子專注力和擴散思維的方法
5. 激發孩子對學習產生內在動機的方法
6. 如何在學習上建立和修補親子關係

撰文:資深註冊社工李淑輝姑娘

 

無論是爭玩具、遊戲中輸掉和排隊爭先恐後……每當遇上不如意,常見孩子會用推撞打人的方式去處理問題,這亦是父母常感頭痛的事 ─ 為甚麼孩子是個打人小惡霸呢?

 

 

  • 情緒和行為混為一談?

 

 

「你不可以嬲就發脾氣打人!」孩子因為出現情緒 -「嬲」,所以出現發洩行為 -「打人」。然而,父母可以禁止孩子的打人行為,但不能禁止他有「嬲」的情緒,孩子更不會因父母禁制「嬲」,而把情緒即時緩和過來。父母要教導孩子情緒和行為須分開處理 -「我明白弟弟拿走你的玩具,所以你很嬲,但你不可打人!」

 

  • A餐無益不要吃!

 

 

「你不可打弟弟,總之不可打弟弟啦。」父母只叫孩子不要吃A餐,因為吃了會痴肥無益,但又沒有給他B、C、D餐的選擇,如弟弟再次取走他的玩具,十居其九,他仍會繼續吃A餐。父母聲嘶力歇地叫孩子不可打弟弟(A餐),跟著應該提供選擇 - 「不可打人,如果弟弟取走你的玩具,你可以告訴他:『玩具是我的,我玩完才給你』(B餐),亦可以請媽媽評理(C餐),或者讓給弟弟先玩 (D餐)……」

 

 

  • 孩子絕對會接受挑戰!

 

 

「你試下再打弟弟,信不信我以後不要你?」父母意圖用恐嚇方式來鎮壓孩子打人行為,許多時候會適得其反,因為現代的孩子絕對會接受挑戰的!孩子會記恨父母和弟弟,會伺機出拳,再次攻擊弟弟。父母說過如他再犯會不要他,不論會否言出必行,親子關係已陷於僵局。其實,父母只是一心希望孩子做出好行為,應該直截了當地說出要求:「請你停手!」

 

 

  • 孩子打我,不痛,我能忍受?

 

 

無論孩子如何生氣或不滿,當他做出傷人、傷己和破壞性行為,父母必須即時制止。假若平日孩子慣性不開心的時候,就打人洩憤,由於力度不大,大人又能承受痛楚,所以不被阻止,孩子便會誤以為攻擊他人是沒有問題的。父母有責任即時制止及清楚表明,孩子的打人行動是不被接納的。

 

其實,孩子不是天生的小惡霸,他在成長過程中,身邊的人在陪伴他的同時,又悉心教導他正確處理問題的方法,孩子才能發展成熟,獨立成材。

Written by: Miss Jody Lee, Senior Registered Social Worker

 

Whether it’s fighting over toys, losing games, or rushing to be first in line, it is common to see children using pushing, shoving, and hitting to deal with situations that don’t go their way – which is also a constant headache for parents. Why does a child exhibit bullying behavior?

 

 

  • Are emotions and behaviors conflated?

 

 

“You cannot get angry and hit people!” The child may experience an emotion – “anger”, which leads to a behavioral response – “hitting”. However, while parents can prohibit the child’s hitting behavior, they cannot prohibit the child from feeling “angry”. The child will not immediately calm their emotions just because the parents have banned “anger”. Parents need to teach the child to separate emotions and behaviors – “I understand you are very angry that your brother took your toy, but you cannot hit him!”

 

  • Don’t eat Meal A if it’s not good for you!

 

 

“You cannot hit your brother, just don’t hit him at all.” Parents may simply tell the child not to engage in an undesirable behavior (Meal A) without providing any alternative (Meal B, C, D) options. If the brother takes the child’s toy again, the child will likely continue to “eat Meal A” (hit). Parents should not only prohibit the undesirable behavior, but also provide alternative, appropriate ways for the child to respond – “You cannot hit, but if your brother takes your toy, you can tell him: ‘The toy is mine, I’ll give it to you when I’m done’ (Meal B), or you can ask me to help settle it (Meal C), or you can let your brother play with it first (Meal D)…”

 

 

  • Children will absolutely accept challenges!

 

 

“If you hit your brother again, I won’t want you anymore.” Parents may intend to suppress the child’s hitting behavior through intimidation, which often backfires, as today’s children may see this as a challenge. The child may resent the parents and the brother, and look for opportunities to hit the brother again. Instead, parents should directly state their expectations: “Please stop hitting your brother.”

 

 

  • My child hit me, but it doesn’t hurt. Can I tolerate that?

 

 

No matter how angry or dissatisfied the child is, when they engage in harmful, self-destructive, or destructive behaviors, parents must intervene immediately. If the child habitually vents their frustration by hitting others because the force is not great and the adults can endure the pain, the child may mistakenly think that attacking others is acceptable. Parents have the responsibility to immediately stop and clearly indicate that the child’s hitting behavior is unacceptable.

 

In fact, children are not born as little bullies. As they grow, the people around them, while accompanying them, should carefully teach them the right ways to deal with problems. Only then can the child develop maturity and become independent.

 

 

Written by: Pang Chi Wah, Registered Educational Psychologist

 

In recent years, environmental awareness has been on the rise. As a parent, you can cultivate an eco-friendly and meaningful hobby like stamp collecting for your child. This can also serve as a simple and convenient parent-child activity.

 

Parents who work in an office often need to open various types of mail, which often come with used stamps. While we may think those stamps are worthless, they can actually be great materials for a free parent-child activity. We can bring the different types and sizes of envelopes and stamps from the office back home, and let the children go through the whole process of stamp collecting:

 

  1. Cut the stamps off the envelopes.

 

  1. Soak the stamps in water for a while.

 

  1. Slowly peel the stamps off and let them dry.

 

  1. Once the stamps are dry, they can be placed in a stamp album.

 

This process of handling the stamps can not only train the children’s patience and focus, but also enhance their self-management abilities. They can also learn different information from the envelopes and stamps, such as the names of different countries and regions, various denominations, and stamp designs, thus developing their multiple intelligences.

 

Some parents like to use toys as rewards to encourage their children, such as rewarding them with stickers after they finish their homework. Stamps can actually be more effective rewards. Whenever the child completes certain tasks, they can be given a stamp as a reward, and the more beautiful or rare the stamp, the more effective the reward will be. This not only reduces the negative impact of material abundance on the children, but stamps also have aesthetic value and can be stored for a long time. Most importantly, we can appreciate the stamp album together with the children, which can serve as a tool for parent-child communication.

Additionally, Hong Kong frequently launches new stamps and themed first-day covers, which parents can acquire at reasonable prices to greatly expand the variety of stamps, designs, and sizes for their children. If parents travel or go on business trips abroad, they can also collect local stamps, especially the cheapest ones, like the one-penny stamps in the UK. Parents can also ask their relatives, friends, and colleagues to bring back stamps from their travels or business trips, which can greatly diversify the stamp collection for the children through different acquisition channels.

 

Why not try this meaningful reward system and parent-child activity with your family?

撰文:註冊教育心理學家彭智華

 

近年來,環保意識抬頭,作為父母的你,可以為孩子建立一種既環保又有意義的嗜好,同時是一種簡單方便的親子活動──集郵。

 

在辦公室工作的父母,每天都需要拆開很多不同的信件,而信件上大多會有郵票,雖然我們可能認為那些郵票是一文不值,但其實它們是免費的親子活動好材料。我們可以把辦公室內不同類型和大小的信封與郵票帶回家,讓孩子處理整個收集郵票的程序:

 

  1. 首先將郵票從信封剪出

 

  1. 然後把郵票浸在水中一段時間

 

  1. 把郵票慢慢撕離,然後印乾

 

  1. 最後待郵票乾透後,便可以放在郵票簿內。

 

在這個處理郵票的過程中,不但可以訓練子女的耐性和專注力,也能夠提升他們的自我管理能力,還可以讓他們從中學習不同的資料,例如信封上不同國家地區的名稱、不同的地址;郵票上不同的銀碼和圖案設計等等,藉此發展子女的多元智能。

 

有些父母喜歡以獎品鼓勵子女,例如以玩具作為獎品,鼓勵子女溫習或用星星貼紙鼓勵子女努力完成功課。其實,郵票可以成為更有效的獎品,每當孩子完成某些指定的事情,便給他一張郵票作為獎品,而圖案愈美麗、款式愈罕有的郵票,就是愈有效的獎品。此舉不但可以減少物質泛濫對於子女的負面影響,而且郵票具有觀賞價值,又可以儲存很長的時間,最重要的是,我們可以與子女一同觀賞郵票簿,作為親子的溝通工具。

另外,香港經常都會推出新的郵票,亦會定期推出不同主題的首日封,家長可以較相宜的價格換來很多不同款式、圖案及大小的郵票。如果家長到外地旅行或公幹,更可以搜集當地的郵票,特別是那些最便宜的郵票,例如在英國有價值一仙的郵票。家長也可以請身邊的親戚朋友和同事,假如有機會到外地公幹或旅行,可透過他們在世界各地搜集不同的郵票回來,經過不同的搜集渠道,給孩子的郵票款式便可以大大地擴闊。大家不妨一試這個有意義的獎勵計劃及親子活動!

Written by:Yiu Yee Chiu, Chinese Doctor

 

Every parent hopes that their child will develop well and quickly, even if they may not surpass others. In medicine, there is a condition that falls between “disease” and “physiology” that greatly troubles both parents and children. This is “pediatric nocturnal enuresis.”

 

Pediatric nocturnal enuresis is a stage in physiological development, but if a child is still unable to control their urination and wets the bed after the age of 5, it becomes a problem. Pediatric nocturnal enuresis can be divided into two types: primary and secondary. The former is due to pathological reasons, such as spina bifida or developmental delays. The latter refers to when a child has previously gained control but then loses it for some reason. The most common cause is an unexplained developmental delay.

 

Medication, Physical Therapy, and Lifestyle: A Tripartite Cooperation

From a Chinese medicine perspective, the generation of urine is related to multiple organs. The main causes are kidney qi deficiency, spleen and lung qi deficiency, and liver channel stagnation and heat. Clinically, kidney qi deficiency is the primary factor. Unlike adult enuresis or secondary enuresis in children, the condition generally improves after a few months of treatment. However, the treatment must involve a combination of medication, physical therapy, and lifestyle adjustments.

Chinese Herbal Treatment: The main herbs are Mulberry Twig, Medicated Leech, Rougan, Schisandra, Yam, and Mulberry Parasitic Plant.

 

Physical Therapy: Acupuncture and massage, focusing on the bladder and kidney channels on the back.

 

Strict Diet: Avoid cold, raw foods and beverages to prevent further damage to kidney qi.

 

Diet Therapy: Incorporating walnuts, lotus seeds, and Dioscorea as side dishes or desserts.

 

Pre-Bed Warm Compress: Every night before bed, use a warm compress on the bladder shu points along the bladder channel. For better results, you can wrap the compress with a cloth bag containing roasted fennel, white pepper, or Sichuan peppercorn.

 

In fact, nocturnal enuresis is not uncommon, and the vast majority of children will fully recover. Therefore, the most important thing is how to help the child smoothly transition through this stage. If parents handle it improperly, it may affect the child’s self-esteem. Therefore, it is crucial to consult a doctor for a proper examination and diagnosis to truly help the child.

撰文:姚怡超中醫師

 

每位父母都希望孩子發展得好和快,就算未必能勝人一籌,也不要落後於人。在醫學上,有個情況在「病」和「生理」之間,令父母和孩子都感到十分困擾。這就是小兒夜遺尿

 

小兒夜間遺尿本是生理發展的一個階段,但是如果到了 5 歲後仍然不能夠控制自己的排尿而尿床,這便是問題。小兒夜遺尿可分為兩種:原發性和繼發性。前者是病理性的原因,例如脊椎柱裂等,或發育遲緩等。而繼發性則指孩子原本已得到控制能力,但是後來因某些原因而失控。最常見的原因,是無原因的發展遲緩。

 

藥物、理療、生活 三方配合

在中醫角度而言,尿液的生成與多個臟腑有關。其病因多為腎氣不固、脾肺氣虛和肝經鬱熱。在臨床上,以腎氣不固為主。有別於成人的遺尿或小兒的繼發性遺尿,一般透過幾個月的治療,情況必會好轉。但是在治療上,必須配合藥物、理療和生活上配合。

中藥治療:以藥粉的桑螵蛸、益智仁、全櫻子、五味子、山藥、桑寄生為主

 

理療方法:針灸及按摩,以背部膀胱經和腎經為主

 

嚴格戒口:忌進食生冷食物和飲料,避免進一步傷害腎氣

 

食療:以合桃、茨實、淮山等佐膳或作甜品

 

睡前熱敷:每晚睡前可用熱敷背部膀胱經的腎俞穴,如果想效果更顯著,可用小茴香、白胡椒粒或花椒炒香炒熱後,再用布袋包裹熱敷。

 

原來,夜遺尿的情況並不罕見,而絕大部分的孩子都會完全康復。所以,最重要的是如何讓孩子順利過度這個階段。如果家長處理不當,有可能影響他們的自尊心。所以,請正式找醫生檢查清楚此情況,才可真正幫助孩子。

 

Written by: Aunty Anne Parents Station

 

When a man and a woman meet, get to know each other, and fall in love, they then get married and start their own family. Husband and wife promise to love and respect each other regardless of the circumstances, and their marital relationship naturally becomes the foundation of the family.

 

The arrival of children completes the family structure, but also makes the situation more complex: from the original couple relationship, it evolves into parent-child and grandparent-grandchild relationships. When facing the well-being of the children, everyone has their own opinions and positions, and blending them is not an easy task.

 

If we think carefully, we will understand that although husband and wife are the same two people, the two roles have different needs and considerations. The addition of a young child makes the couple cautiously take on the parental identity, which is laborious but also filled with sweetness. Infants are fragile and dependent, so parents naturally focus all their attention on protecting and caring for the child, inevitably neglecting the needs of their partner and even themselves, which is understandable.

 

However, the all-encompassing protective net that parents cast during the infant and toddler stage does not recede as the child grows up, allowing the child to forge their own path in life. Modern families idolise the children and let them dominate the family’s operations, overshadowing the spousal relationship. Spouses can no longer get the understanding and gratitude they expect from each other, and the relationship gradually fades or drifts apart. In this ironic situation, the “third party” that harms the marital relationship is the couple’s own child.

 

Worse still, a harmonious family relationship is the most important element for a child’s healthy, happy, and positive growth. Facing the discord between parents, children are often dragged into this vortex, trying to balance the relationship and shouldering emotions that do not belong to them. Children do not know how to handle and release these worries, and their emotions and behaviours will develop problems, but parents can only ask the children to focus on their studies, thinking this is the children’s responsibility. Children, however, worry all day long that the family is falling apart, so what’s the use of studying! This is a vivid portrayal of the modern family issue.

“Parents should be closer to each other than to the children,” to implement the original intention of building the family through mutual understanding and love. Remember that children are only temporary guests in the family, and one day they will leave the nest to establish their own homes. In the end, the husband and wife will only have each other left, so cherishing the partner and not forgetting the original intention are the keys to weathering the ups and downs and walking together until old age.

 

撰文:Aunty Anne 爸媽加油站

 

男女相遇、相知、相愛,然後共諧連理,組織屬於自己的家庭。夫妻承諾無論順逆都會一生愛護尊重對方,夫妻關係順理成章成為家庭的支柱,它是這個家庭的一切,是家庭的初心!

 

孩子的來臨,完美了家庭的組織,同時亦令情況變得繁複:由單一的夫妻二人關係,衍生出父母、父子和母子關係,若祖父母輩參與照顧,則如此類推。面對孩子的福祉,大家各有意見和立場,要磨合絕對不簡單。

 

大家只要細心想想便會明白,夫妻和父母雖然是同樣的兩個人,但這兩重身份其實是有著不同的需要和考量。幼兒的加入令夫妻二人戰戰兢兢地揹起父母這身份,雖然辛勞卻是甜蜜滿溢滿。幼兒嬌弱無力,父母親當然要加倍保護和疼愛,全神貫注地把焦點放在幼兒身上,這段時間無可避免地忽略了伴侶、甚至自己的需要,亦可以理解。

 

可是,父母在嬰幼兒時期撒出的全天候保護網,没有隨著孩子長大而適時退場,放手讓孩子闖蕩自己的人生路。現代家庭把孩子奉若神明,主宰著家庭的運作,父母的角色大大掩蓋了夫妻關係,夫妻從對方身上再也得不到期望以內的諒解和感激,關係漸漸轉淡,甚至越走越遠。夫妻關係轉差,第三者竟然是自己的孩子,實在諷刺。

 

更糟糕的是,和諧的家庭關係其實是孩子健康、快樂、正面成長的最重要元素。面對父母的不協調,孩子常常被捲進這股漩渦之中,為父母親平衡關係,分擔了不該屬於他們的情緒。孩子不懂得如何處理和釋放的這些憂慮,他們的情緒和行為都會出現問題,但父母卻只管叫孩子努力讀書,認為這是孩子的責任。孩子卻終日擔憂家不成家了,讀書又有何用!這正是現代家庭問題的寫照。

「親子更要親夫妻」,是為了貫徹地執行當日建構家庭時相知相愛的初衷。要知道孩子只是家庭的過客,終有一天要離巢,建立屬於自己的家,而夫妻倆最後只剩彼此,唯有好好珍惜老伴,無忘初衷,才可以走過高山低谷,相敬如賓走到老!

Written by: Play Therapist Fung Tsz Hei

 

Little Ying, at the start of the new school year, would sit on the sofa outside the school hall every day, crying and saying her stomach hurt, while tightly gripping her mother’s hand. Psychological experts believe this is a characteristic of children suffering from separation anxiety. If parents want to reduce their children’s anxiety, one method is to help the children through “tokens”. Why can these “tokens” be effective? The author attempts to explain the underlying mechanism from the perspective of child psychological development.

 

The Invisible Sense of Security

 

The cognitive development theory proposed by the modern child psychologist Jean Piaget can explain the underlying principle. In the first stage (0-2 years old) of the theory, children can learn to search for hidden objects. This behavior indicates that children have learned the concept of object permanence – even if the object cannot be seen, they still know that it exists, so they will try to find it.

 

In the second stage (2-7 years old), Piaget believes that children can use language and symbols as representations. For example, children can use the word “dog” to represent an animal with four legs, a tail, and a “woof woof” sound. When children go to school, they experience a similar situation to the first stage, but they do not cry because they cannot see their mothers, but because they cannot generate the sense of security that they had when with their mothers. To overcome this, children need to use their ability to use language and symbols as representations. However, effectively expressing the parent-child relationship in symbolic form is very difficult, and “tokens” are an effective auxiliary tool.

Visualizing Relationships

 

Tokens can appear in various forms in daily life, such as the traditional Chinese talisman for safety, the Christian cross in the West, or even wedding rings. Using the traditional wedding ring as an example, the material and circular shape of the metal establish a “visual representation” of a steadfast marriage. This “visualization of the relationship” not only has an outwardly evident function, but it also makes it easier for the individual to recall the existence of the relationship. Applying this to the parent-child relationship, parents can use “tokens” to express their love, allowing the child to constantly remember them and thereby develop confidence and a sense of security.

 

Patience, Determination, and Carefulness

 

When parents use “tokens” to assist their children, they must keep three key “mindsets” in mind. Firstly, establishing a relationship symbolized by the “token” takes time, and parents must have the patience to train their children. One type of training is through treasure hunt games, which can strengthen the child’s understanding of object permanence and the feelings of possession and loss. This can help reduce the child’s anxiety when faced with separation. Additionally, parents can establish a unique ritual with the child to accompany the token during times of separation, such as a goodbye kiss or a gentle high-five, which can also help the child transition through the separation process.

Secondly, there is determination. Parents may also experience separation anxiety, which can make it difficult for the child to learn about separation. If parents want their children to grow, they must be determined to separate from them when the child reaches school age, and trust in the school’s care and the child’s ability to adapt.

 

Finally, it is crucial to carefully preserve the token, lest all the previous efforts be in vain.

撰文︰遊戲治療師馮祉禧

 

小瀅在開學初期,每天都坐在學校禮堂外的沙發上,一邊哭著說肚痛,一邊緊握著媽媽的手。心理專家認為這是兒童患上分離焦慮的特徵。如果家長想減少兒童的焦慮感,其中一個方法便是以「信物」形式幫助兒童。為甚麼「信物」能夠產生作用呢?筆者嘗試用兒童心理發展的角度說明箇中奧妙。

 

看不見的安全感

 

近代兒童心理學家皮亞傑 (Jean Piaget)提出的認知發展論可以說明其原理。理論中的第一階段(0-2 歲),兒童能學會尋找被隱藏的物件。這行為表示兒童學會物體恆存的概念,即使物體不能被看見,他們仍然知道物體的存在,所以他們會嘗試去尋回。

 

而到了第二階段(2-7歲),皮亞傑認為兒童能夠使用語言和符號作象徵。例如兒童能用「狗」這個詞語表示有四隻腳、一條尾巴和發出「汪汪」聲的動物。當兒童在上學時,他們便再次經歷與第一階段相似的經驗,但他們並不是因為見不到媽媽而哭泣,而是因為兒童不能產生與母親一起時的安全感。小朋友要克服這種情況,便需要使用語言和符號作象徵的能力。可是,要將親子之間的關係有效地以象徴的形式表達是非常困難的,「信物」則是有效的輔助工具。

關係形象化

 

信物會在日常生活中以各式各樣的形態出現,如中國傳統有平安符,西方基督教有十字架,甚至結婚時會使用用婚戒。以傳統婚戒為例,透過金屬的物料和圓形環狀而建立堅貞婚姻的「關係形象」。「關係形象化」後不但有向外顯明的作用,更能夠令自己容易記起關係的存在。應用到親子關係上,家長能透過「信物」去表達他們的愛,令孩子時時記起自己,從而產生信心和安全感。

 

耐心丶決心和小心

 

家長使用「信物」輔助小孩時,必須謹記三個「心」。首先,要建立以「信物」象徵關係是需要一段時間的,家長必須要有耐心訓練子女。其中一種訓練是透過尋寶遊戲,以加強小朋友對物體恆存的認知和了解得和失的感受。這樣會令兒童在面對離別時減少產生焦慮。另外,家長可以和子女共同建立在離別時獨有的儀式配合信物,如在離別時作一個 goodbye kiss 或輕輕擊掌,亦可以幫助孩子過渡離別過程。

第二便是決心,家長亦會出現分離焦慮,結果令子女難以學會離別。如果家長希望孩子成長,在子女到達學校時便要下定決心離別,並且信任學校的照顧和兒女的適應力。最後,當然是小心保存信物,免得前功盡廢。

Written by: Education expert, Chu Wud Man

 

As a child, I occasionally saw wild geese in autumn. I would sometimes see my mother counting the calendar and muttering to herself, and I would also hear my sister say that in another month, Dad would be coming back for the Lunar New Year… Life was always full of expectation and longing. So, my siblings and I would work hard on our schoolwork and study diligently, because we all hoped that by the end of the twelfth lunar month, we could bring a little more comfort to our returning father.

 

As time and the world change, the rapid development of communication devices has made communication between people more convenient. To hear the voice of a person you long for, you only need to make a phone call, send a text message, or even participate in a group discussion. All of this is the convenience brought about by technological advancement, and the handwriting of letters home has become a distant memory.

 

However, I still vividly remember the childhood memories of writing letters home for my mother. She would dictate a sentence, and I would write it down. Sometimes, I would see my mother tearing up as she longed for her relatives back home, and I would involuntarily choke up as well. The experience of writing letters home made me appreciate the preciousness of family bonds and understand the feelings of longing and patience.

 

Some people believe that some young people today lack social etiquette, and one of the reasons for this phenomenon is the change in communication patterns. When you ride the subway, you can’t help but notice the curious sight of people buried in their phones, sorting through data. Spending the whole day in front of a computer or phone, without the need for face-to-face communication, naturally makes it difficult to improve interpersonal skills. The fast pace of society also tends to squeeze out space for contemplation, and without the experience of waiting and longing, it is difficult to cultivate a sincere and upright character. These problems in the growth of children that have emerged in recent years are issues that we all need to pay attention to.

 

In addition to paying attention to whether children are using communication devices appropriately, parents should also guide them to reduce their usage time and avoid being “inseparable from the device.” During family dinners, parents can share their work experiences or hardships with their children, allowing them to understand society from different perspectives and appreciate the efforts of their parents, which can inspire them to think more carefully. Furthermore, when the family is about to arrange important events, parents should also let the children express their opinions, so that they can learn to look forward to their days and long for their family members. Learning about human relationships through communication between people is an excellent growth experience. Dear parents, as we enjoy the benefits brought by modern technological advancement, we should not overlook the impact of technological development on the mental growth of our children.

撰文:教育專家朱活民

 

筆者在童年時偶然會見到秋雁,有時看到母親一邊數日曆一邊自言自語,又會聽到姐姐說,再過一個月爸爸就會回來過新年……生活總是充滿著期待與掛念。於是我們幾兄弟姊妹會努力做好功課,認真讀書,因為我們都希望到了臘月盡頭,可以讓回家的爸爸多一點安慰。

 

時移世易,通訊設備的高速發展令人與人之間溝通更方便,想聽到掛念的人的聲音,只需撥個電話,要不然來個短訊,甚至到某個群組互相交流。這一切都是科技發達帶給人們的方便,而謄寫家書似是遙不可及的事了。不過,筆者對童年時替媽媽寫信回鄉的回憶,至今仍歷歷在目,印象深刻。媽媽口述一句,我便下筆錄寫,有時看到媽媽因掛念鄉間的親人而流淚,我也會不期然地哽咽。寫家書的經歷,令我體會了親情寶貴,從中認知掛念和忍耐。

 

有人認為現今部分年青人不懂人情世故,而產生這些現象的其中一個原因,個人認為與通訊模式的改變有關。當你乘搭地鐵時,不妨留意一下用手機通訊的奇景,可能在你的前後左右,都是一個個低頭整理數據的人。一整天對著電腦或手機,無需要與人面對面溝通,自然難以改善處理人際關係的技巧。而急促的社會步伐,容易擠壓思考空間,生活沒有等待掛念的經歷,亦難以修養敦厚的品性。這些近年才衍生的兒童成長問題,是需要我們共同關注的。

家長除了要關注孩子是否適當使用通訊器材,更要指導他們減少使用時間,避免「機不離手」。當一家人晚飯的時候,家長不妨向孩子們分享一些工作經歷或辛酸,讓他們從不同角度認知社會,了解父母的辛勞,啟發慎思。另外,對家裡即將安排的大事,父母也要讓他們表達意見,讓孩子們學習對日子有期待,對親人有掛念。在人與人之間的溝通裡認識人情世故,是很好的成長課。各位親愛的家長,當我們享受近代科技發達帶來的好處時,亦別忽略了科技發達對兒童心智成長的影響。

Written by: Play Therapist Feng Zhi-xi

 

I just participated in a professional development exchange activity for teachers in Taiwan, and witnessed how Taiwan’s education system emphasizes using exercise to cultivate children’s growth. This has given me new inspiration, and I hope to share it with all parents. One of the schools we visited for the exchange could be called a “mini sports university” – “Tiger Forest Elementary School”. As soon as I stepped into the school, the students greeted us with the government-promoted fitness exercises. They followed the rhythm to raise their hands and move their bodies, doing all kinds of warm-up movements. It made me feel like they were as lively as little tigers, and I felt like I had entered a forest full of little tigers.

 

Exercise Can Strengthen Children’s Learning Ability

 

Principal Liu of Tiger Forest Elementary School said that the school is a key government school focused on the physical development of the students, and believes that exercise can strengthen their learning ability. They are based on the research of John J. Ratey, MD, an assistant professor of clinical psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, and advocate the “Anytime Exercise” program. This program encourages students to exercise at any time. During breaks, students run to any part of the playground to exercise, some play dodgeball, some climb on the jungle gym, and some play badminton. All the students enjoy every moment of exercise.

The Benefits of Exercise – Strengthening Brain Function

 

It is well known that exercise has the effect of strengthening the body and health. In Ratey’s research, he points out more about the benefits of exercise for the brain. He describes the brain as an information processing center, where information is transmitted through different pathways using different messengers (chemicals). During exercise, the brain can effectively produce more messengers and strengthen the pathways, making the transmission of information faster and more accurate.

 

When applying this theory to learning, students can strengthen their brain function through exercise, thereby enhancing their learning effectiveness. Research has proven that exercise can improve students’ concentration and memory, which are essential conditions for successful learning. In addition, exercise can cause the brain to produce Dopamine (a chemical that creates a sense of happiness), allowing students to learn happily, and naturally achieving better results.

 

How to get children to love exercise?

 

To let children enjoy the time and benefits of exercise, parents need to help children love exercise. Here are three suggestions:

 

  1. Anytime Exercise

 

Provide more opportunities for children to exercise, such as giving them appropriate time, tools, and venues, while parents should also pay attention to the safety of the environment.

 

  1. Healthy Exercise

 

Teach children to exercise for the sake of health, and emphasize the benefits of exercise to health.

 

  1. Exercise Together

 

Exercise with children more often, enjoy the moments of exercise, and cherish the quality time between parents and children.

 

撰文︰遊戲治療師馮祉禧

 

筆者剛參與了台灣教師專業進修交流活動,見識到台灣的教育著重以運動培養孩子成長,讓我得到新的啓發,希望與各位父母分享。其中一所作交流的學校稱得上是體育學院小學版「虎林小學」。一踏進學校,同學便以政府推廣的健身操歡迎我們。他們一起跟着拍子舉手投足,做出各式各樣的熱身動作。讓人感到他們就像老虎仔一樣的精神活潑,而我像真的進入了充滿老虎仔的森林一般。

 

運動能強化孩子學習能力

 

虎林小學的劉校長説學校是政府重點學校,專注同學的體育發展,並相信透過運動能強化他們的學習能力。他們以哈佛醫學院精神科臨床助理教授 John J. Ratey, MD 的硏究為基礎,提倡零時運動計劃。此計劃提倡學生於所有時間都在運動,即零時 (Anytime)。每當小休時,學生便會跑到操場的任何一處做運動,他們有的玩躲避球、有的在攀鋼架、更有的打羽毛球。所有學生都享受每個運動的時刻。

運動的好處  強化大腦機能

 

眾所周知,運動有強身健體的功效,而在 Ratey 的研究之中,他指出更多有關運動對大腦的好處。他形容大腦是訊息處理中心,透過不同的傳遞者(化學物質)於不同路徑傳達訊息。在運動時,大腦能有效地生產更多傳遞者和強化路徑,使訊息傳得更快更準。

 

將理論應用於學習上,學生以運動強化大腦機能,再提升他們的學習成效。研究證實運動能提高學生專注力和記憶力,而這都是成功學習的必備條件。此外,運動能使大腦製造 Dopamin e(令人有快樂感的化學物質),令學生能愉快地學習,成績自然會更加優秀。

 

如何讓孩子愛上運動?

 

為了讓孩子享受運動的時間和好處,家長必需讓孩子愛上運動,以下有三項建議:

 

  1. 零時運動

 

多讓孩子有運動的機會,如提供合宜的時間,工具和場地,同時家長要留意環境的安全。

 

  1. 健康運動

 

多教導孩子因愛健康而做運動,多提及運動對健康的好處。

 

  1. 一起運動

 

多與孩子一起運動,享受運動的時刻,享受親子的美好時光。

 

 

撰文:家庭動力創辦人及行政總監

   婚姻及家庭治療師

   兒童遊戲治療師吳綺琴

 

很多家長都這樣投訴,説子女愈大愈不願意跟父母説話,感情變得疏離冷漠。父母開始不知道子女的腦袋裡想甚麼,他們的學校生活是怎樣的,朋友是怎樣的。就眼睛所見,都是打機、看電視、上網、Whatsapp、WeChat和Instagram!父母不期然產生一種無形的不安,因為與所愛的子女好像脫了軌,沒有連繫一樣!父母愈不安,愈想把子女拉回身邊。但所用的方式,往往是查問、規管、批評和責備,對孩子的行為既不理解也不信任。父母的「著緊」及「關心」,在孩子的角度,只感到父母操控及無理!結果父母愈想拉近子女,子女愈想逃避父母!這種追逐令親子關係變得緊張而難堪,實在十分可惜!

 

無論對社會的演進及下一代的培育,父母的角色都最為重要。父母的責任是多重的:關愛、供養、教導和示範等等。最能令父母與子女的關係連繫起來,產生正面的互動,就是父母傳遞愛與關懷的方式,能令子女真正感受得到。有時父母會驚訝地問:「我這樣還不算是關心嗎?他怎可能感受不到呢?」其實每個孩子的需要可能不同,他們渴望得到關心的模式也可能不一樣。若父母不是用孩子的角度出發,只一廂情願用自己的角度去理解,及用自己習慣的方法去關心,就算父母圍著孩子「氹氹轉」,都一樣可能產生以上的的結果:一個追、一個走!

 

要讓孩子真正感受到父母的愛及關懷,關鍵在於父母的著眼點是在孩子本身,抑或只是在孩子的表現。父母的關懷若是在孩子身上,孩子一定會感受得到,他們亦會以正面的方式來回應。若父母關心的只是孩子的表現,孩子遲早會與父母疏離,甚至把他們拒之於門外。

 

若我們對比以下這些父母對孩子的説話,就可知道「關心孩子」與「關心孩子表現」的分別:

 

當父母放工回家問孩子:

A「你今天返學開心嗎?」

B「今天的功課你做好了嗎?」

 

孩子測驗拿了65分, 父母說:

A「你拿了這個分數是否很失望呢?也許你會感到不開心,你可與我分享你的心情啊!」

B 「你平日又懶又不專心,這樣可以拿到好成績嗎?你若不再更努力,下次還會不及格添,甚至有機會留級!」

 

在忙碌的生活節奏中,建立良好的親子關係實不容易!與子女建立正面的互動及連繫,才能在孩子成長的路途上,不斷給予鼓勵及支持。如果稍一不慎,選擇了錯誤的表達方式,縱然父母心裡有很多愛,子女也未必接受!

Written by: Founder and CEO of Family Dynamics

                     Marriage and Family Therapist

                     Child Play Therapist Ng Yee-kam

 

Many parents complain that as their children grow older, they become less willing to talk to their parents, and the relationship becomes more distant and indifferent. Parents begin to not know what is on their children’s minds, what their school life is like, and what their friends are like. As far as the eye can see, it’s all gaming, watching TV, surfing the internet, WhatsApp, WeChat, and Instagram! Parents inevitably develop a sense of unease, because it feels like they have lost connection with their beloved children. The more uneasy parents become, the more they want to pull their children back. But the methods they use are often questioning, regulating, criticizing, and blaming, showing a lack of understanding and trust towards their children’s behavior. From the children’s perspective, the parents’ “concern” and “care” feel like control and unreasonableness. As a result, the more the parents want to get closer to their children, the more the children want to avoid their parents! This chasing creates a tense and awkward parent-child relationship, which is truly a pity!

 

Whether it’s the evolution of society or the nurturing of the next generation, the role of parents is the most important. Parents have multiple responsibilities: care, provision, guidance, and demonstration. The best way to connect the relationship between parents and children and create positive interactions is the way parents convey love and care, which can make children truly feel it. Sometimes parents may be surprised and ask, “Isn’t this how I show concern? How could he not feel it?” In fact, each child’s needs may be different, and the way they crave care may also be different. If parents do not approach it from the child’s perspective, but only selfishly use their own perspective to understand and the methods they are used to in showing care, even if parents “circle around” the child, the same result may occur: one chases, one walks!

For children to truly feel their parents’ love and care, the key lies in whether the parents’ focus is on the children themselves, or only on the children’s performance. If the parents’ care is focused on the child, the child will definitely feel it, and they will respond in a positive way. If the parents’ concern is only about the child’s performance, the child will eventually become alienated from the parents, and may even shut them out.

 

If we compare the following examples of what parents say to their children, we can see the difference between “caring for the child” and “caring for the child’s performance”:

 

When parents come home from work and ask their children:

A “Did you have a happy day at school today?”

B “Did you finish your homework today?”

 

When the child gets a 65 on a test, the parents say:

A “Are you feeling disappointed with this score? Perhaps you feel unhappy, you can share your feelings with me!”

B “You’ve been lazy and unfocused, how can you get good grades like this? If you don’t work harder, you’ll fail again next time, and might even have to repeat the grade!”

 

In the busy pace of life, it is not easy to establish a good parent-child relationship! Establishing positive interactions and connections with your children is the only way to provide them with continuous encouragement and support as they grow up. If you’re not careful and choose the wrong way of expressing yourself, even though the parents may have a lot of love in their hearts, the children may not accept it!

 

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